My UBPD mother's doctor is lying about me

[Towanda]

I just found out that my UBPD mother's doctor has been lying to me and about me - to the staff in the hospital and to mom.
Once I talked to the psychiatrist in question on the phone, she said the following: "Of course, she has bipolar disorder, since you too have it." I went right into the trap and revealed sensitive information that she didn't have the right to have: "No, I don't have bipolar disorder, I'm just depressed sometimes." A day before that phone call, I asked my therapist if she could talk to mom's psychiatrist and tell her all that I've said about mom - so that mom could get a proper diagnosis. I relieved her of her confidentiality but only to talk about mom and to mom's psychiatrist. So when the psychiatrist asked, I thought that maybe my therapist said something and I started wondering if it was true. But my therapist didn't call her at all. And I've checked symptoms for bipolar - I don't have it.

Today I found out that the staff has told my mom that I have bipolar and so does she. What kind of a hospital is this and how can this be ethical or professional at all? Are they trying to feed my mom false information to see if it will spread and how far? I mean, a rumor like this can destroy my life. I've been very careful not to tell mom about my privat issues and struggles, not just because she is not to be trusted, but also because I don't like to burden her with my problems - she's been through enough.
 When I was at the hospital I didn't put her as my contact person. It's just how it is - she is not my contact person, but I am hers. My health information cannot be revealed to her, so why are they lying about it? 

I really didn't need this. To me, this is abuse of power. I've also found out that the psychiatrist has been lying to me about other important things. She also lashed out at me on the phone last time I called her because I had written to an organization founded by the state to help with communication between patients, relatives and health personel. The psychiatrist said that I had complained about her and attacked me for it; I did not complain about her, I just asked them to make sure she reads everything I have written since 2011. I don't have any proof of psychiatrist's outburst and attacks.

What should I do? Should I complain about the psychiatrist's behavior? Has anyone experienced something similar? Is this normal when the pwBPD gets treatment?

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hi Towanda: 
I'm sorry for the difficulty you are having right now.  I can hear how frustrated you are.  Am I understanding correctly that you have been a patient at the same hospital as your mom?

Might it be possible to make an appt. to discuss your situation and concerns with someone in administration at the hospital?  Some hospitals have an ombudsman who can help resolve problems.

Diagnoses can be somewhat subjective.  It would be easy if they could do something like a blood test and then be able to tell you what mental condition you have.   They base a lot on what the patients tells them and what they observe.  Knowing family history can help at times.

I've read accounts from several members who indicate that their family member has had various diagnoses over the years.  Perhaps depression and anxiety disorder from one professional, bipolar from another, then maybe PTSD from the next one.  Some may tag on BPD, but others may not.

Are you designated as a decision maker for your mom by nature of a medical power of attorney?  The person to contact in case of emergency is not privy to medical information or decisions, unless they are also named on a medical POA. 

Who do you think you mom might spread rumors to?   How do you think it would ruin your life?

[Towanda]

Hi Naughty Nibbler,
Thanks for your reply. I was quite upset when I wrote the post.

I need to find a job within February next year. Rumors from my mom and the health personnel working with her, can ruin my life in that way. It's hard enough to find a job as it is where I am.

It doesn't matter that I was at the same hospital nearly three years ago. I never put my mom as my contact person. I didn't have any contact person and they wouldn't let me go out for a walk before I did. So when I did chose one, I was better. I chose a friend who is a doctor at the same hospital (then this friend/doctor told another common friend about the episode I had, even though I asked her not to tell anyone, so my health is a talking subject already). Anyway, I didn't trust my mom enough to have her as my contact person, and her doctor is not my doctor, so dr. cannot look at my journal without my approval, as far as I know.

I know that I don't have bipolar, because I asked my doctor about my diagnosis, after I got out of the hospital: affective dissorder. I asked what that means, and she answered: depression. I've talked to ombudsman. I need to confirm that what mom told me is true, before I complain.

Anyway, this is not the first time they (the psych ward) have done something unethical that has led me not to trust them. Before I got the psychosis, the person that I talked to, a psychiatric nurse, in 2014, was the one who understood the family dynamics and who understood that there was something very wrong with my mother. I told her that I never had a good relationship with my mom, but that she and my brother had a close bond. I also said that mom had kind of a black hole in her: no matter how much love and affection I gave her, she would always end the day with "You don't love me." I also said that my dad told me to take care of the money if something happened to him, because mom would use up everything.
After I said all that, I saw that this psychiatric nurse was shocked; turning her back to me while rolling her eyes.

The next thing that happens, is my mom coming to my home unannounced. The first thing she said to me was: "You know why you and I didn't have a good relationship? It was yours and your dad's fault." That's when I put two and two together - that there was something seriously wrong with my mom (I hug that little girl inside me and told her that I'm going to protect her from this monster). Later I realized that my psychiatric nurse, who I had trusted, who I had a confidentiality agreement with, had somehow told my mother's therapist what I had revealed in our session.

One thing, led to another, I got shocked from realizing that my mom wasn't this wonderful person, who was honest, caring, loving, helpful, a nurse saving other people's lives - my bubble burst. I started trying to find what her diagnosis could be. My guess at the time was the worst possible - a psychopath.
At the same time I didn't trust my therapist - the psychiatric nurse I went to. I couldn't trust her anymore, so she wrote a letter to my doctor where she expressed her concern about my increasing distrust. I got scared because of it, so I called a lawyer to find out if they could forcefully admit me to the hospital. I did however end up in a psychiatric ward with a psychosis, about 1,5 month after the talk with my mom. But it was the health personnel that I trusted, who contributed in my state getting worse - and when it got worse, they all left on a vacation and I had no one to talk to. I didn't trust any of them anyway, after what had happened. I even suspected my doctor being in on the scheme to make me get worse.

Later that year, after staying in the hospital for one month, the psychiatric nurse got retired. Complaining about her breaking the confidentiality agreement with me, making me worse, is of no use. But complaining about what they are doing now - might be worth my time and energy. There is something seriously wrong with the psychiatric ward here. When patients can't trust them, it can make them worse, paranoid and delussional.

I don't know my mom's diagnosis, except that she was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. Now they've removed medications for that treatment and they are letting her go next week. There will be many people taking care of her, watching her, visiting her, but I doubt that they will know as much as I know, because she confides in me and I know the signs and what questions to ask to realize that she is still dellusional and OCD. I don't know how this will go, but I don't want to make her worse, so I'm here to learn and ask for help.

 No I'm not her legal guardian. I was taking care of her stuff for the first month - bringing her mail to the hospital, cleaning her fridge for 8kg of food, looking for reasons she got so bad - a letter from a long lost classmate, who just wrote to tell mom her two other classmates had died, watering the plants, picking up packages in the mail and returning them when mom didn't want the stuff, and visiting mom of course. I had a severe cold and did all this in spite of it. So I applied for a legal guardian and left the application at the doctor's office on 21st of December. They told me it would go faster through the system if a doctor's statement was included. It was never sent. I just got it back few days ago. I guess they didn't want to reveal that they sat on important information about mom, for two months, never reading it. They didn't sent the application before I asked to get back the scheme to send it in myself. Then they filled out a new form and sent it in, telling me they sent in the form that I had filled out and all the other information, my notes and letters to mom's personal physician - none of it was sent. Or read. I've talked to her legal guardian on Wednesday - he didn't know about the bugs in the apartment.

I've been watching mom get worse and destroying herself, her economy, her flat for years. I didn't understood how sick she was before I got a psychosis myself. Then I started writing to her doctor, two letters in 1,5 years, the last one in June last year, asking him to admit her for observation - he did nothing. He told me to apply for a legal guardian, even though I said I couldn't. So nothing was done before she started hearing voices and talking to them. This is so serious, that I will look into if I can sue the country for not giving mom help when she needed it.