My Intro

[bleedingheart]

Hello Everyone,

I want to introduce myself. I am new to the community and I look forward to sharing my experience while hearing about others. I am in a relationship with someone whom I believe has undiagnosed BPD. We are a same sex couple and she has three children. I'm 36, she's 43, and the kids are 22, 19, and 7. Currently I have no idea where we stand as she is not speaking to me.

Her and I began only five short months ago but she had pursued me for almost two years prior to us finally coming together in November. Due to our history and her longstanding "crush" on me we had this whirlwind beginning, it was like we had known each other forever. We have an intense emotional and physical connection plus we just have a lot of fun around each other but one month into things I saw the first sign that something wasn't right. The drastic mood swings began and soon after came the displaced retraction. I found myself confused and wondering what I did to create such a change in the way that she related to me. Why did things feel so perfect and now they feel non existent? Two to three week cycles of a seemingly loving, healthy relationship and then out of nowhere she's distant. At times she'll start an argument, go off on me, and then puts me at an arms length. Other times she just becomes a ghost. We've had four of what I would call "rifts". Each time she pushes me away further. We've made up the three previous times but currently I am on day 15 of purgatory and at times I feel like I'm slowly dying from the stress and sadness of it all.

After a previous fight that came out of nowhere one evening she didn't speak to me for a week. Once I broke the silence and we did make time to talk she arrived drunk and was an apologetic mess. She went round and round about how she's just such an angry awful person and how she doesn't even know why she does the things that she does. She said that everyone leaves her and that I am going to as well. I tried to reassure her that I didn't want to go anywhere but she just kept claiming that she's no good for me. The next morning she confides in me that she had been abusing a prescription drug not meant for her (Ritalin) which is basically speed. Naturally I start to blame her drug use for the strange behaviors she'd been exhibiting like the distancing but now I realize that it was just one piece in the BPD puzzle. She stopped taking the pills and things were great for a whole two weeks until out of nowhere a fight ensued and she stormed out of my house when just two minutes prior we had been cuddled up on my couch almost asleep. I realized at this point that something was severely wrong.

I had researched BPD before but dismissed it and now I feel as if I am caught in a full blown case of it. I don't know what to do as this woman is someone that I have grown to love very much but I have to admit that at this point I don't even know what feelings are even real anymore as I realize that I was totally chased, caught, love bombed, and now possibly discarded. It's all been heartbreaking for me as I am someone who is extremely calm, rational, and just generally easy to deal with and/or talk to. I don't care for conflict especially with the people that I love and I like to always keep an open mind and dialogue. Giving me the silent treatment is the most painful thing that one can possibly do to me and here I am spending every day waiting, hoping that she will come around and just speak to me.

It all adds up though. Her history is pretty extensive. Severe childhood abuse and neglect. Five failed marriages that were extremely abusive both physically and emotionally while two of those marriages were faked for citizenship reasons. Red flags galore so why I felt that it was a good idea to become romantically involved with this person is totally beyond my comprehension at this point but it's too late. I'm enmeshed not only with her but with her 7 year old son. Him and I developed a pretty tight bond. I've had nothing but hopes and dreams of being a positive parental figure for him and of course she filled my head with all kinds of delusions of us becoming a family. As of right now I haven't seen him in over a month and some days I'm not sure who I miss more…her or him?

I want nothing more than see this all work out the way that I had envisioned it but right now I'm the only one making any effort. I'm in therapy and I even began taking an anti-depressant medication again which is something I did years ago during a rough patch in my life. I'm usually a very healthy person but this relationship has cut me to my core. I don't eat, I don't sleep, I don't even want to leave the house most days. I force myself to go to work everyday but that's about all I can do. My friends have been there for me but I really don't even want to see them. Nobody enjoys being around someone that's reeling in heartbreak so I just find it easier to keep to myself and go through this alone. I guess that's why I'm reaching out here because I just don't know how to cope with all of this anymore.

Thank you for listening.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Tattered Heart]

Hi bleedingheart,

Welcome to the board ,

It sounds like you are going through some pretty severe depression. Hopefully the medication will help. Living with someone with BPD can add so much stress to our lives. We often feel overwhelmed and unable to cope with the constant mood swings and behavioral problems.

We have many lessons on the right side of the page. You might want to start there so that you can begin learning how to care for yourself, communicate better with your pwBPD, and learn more about your relationship with your pwBPD.