Intro

[Adeline B]

Hello, I figured I would introduce myself, I was with my bf for three years, he appears to have many of the traits of BPD and perhaps depression. We quickly fell in love and were planning on getting married. Things were so fantastic, the romantic phase I guess, even though we were going thru major life crisis' we were still able to lean on each other and grow. Slowly things seemed to change, he seemed more down, less connected to me, he said he felt dead inside, that he hated life, i started to feel like i was walking on egg shells, checking my texts 3x before sending them to make sure I wouldn't say something that would be taken the wrong way or ignored. Early on in the relationship i learned not to voice anything that he could he perceived as wrong with him, because he would takeit completely out of context, and instead of fixing problems to grow and move forward it was like taking three steps backwards. He would get so defensive over the smallest things, but he would have no problem saying those exact same things to me. one day he snapped at work and broke his hand, and things quickly went down hill from there. I wouldn't hear from him for a week and he would say he needed a mental break, which i could believe his last day off was 8 months ago, and he literally works 7 days a week 12-14 hour days, its his business, and he has another business, and he helps his parents out, so he has an insane amount of stress. Then one day mid text, no argument no nothing i never heard from him again. Dead silence.  I went to see him and he literally ran away... i was so stunned and devastated someone that promised to grow old with me, marry me, he's a super nice guy a lot of the time, successful, handsome, etc and i haven't heard from him since January. I'm sure in his mind its over, but i feel devastated, hurt, i talked to his brother who said he has gained weight, is acting off, and has been drunk as a skunk in the middle of the day. I'm not sure what to do, i love him, and i care for him.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[gotbushels]

Hiya! 

Welcome.

You can find support here. There are heaps of people here who share experiences as partners of persons with BPD.

... .I was with my bf for three years, he appears to have many of the traits of BPD and perhaps depression.

Could you share more about the BPD traits and the depression?

He would get so defensive over the smallest things, but he would have no problem saying those exact same things to me.

Sometimes when we say one thing as the speaker, we don't have it within us to empathise by putting ourselves in the listeners shoes.

one day he snapped at work and broke his hand, and things quickly went down hill from there. I wouldn't hear from him for a week and he would say he needed a mental break, which i could believe his last day off was 8 months ago, and he literally works 7 days a week 12-14 hour days, its his business, and he has another business, and he helps his parents out, so he has an insane amount of stress.

I know that's a lot of things causing his stress. Trying to do this many things when we haven't got the capacity to do so can keep as at very unhealthy levels of stress.

Where are you at right now? 

I look forward to hearing more of your story.