Having trouble not checking her social media...

[TsunamiWave]

If theres something that has absolutely been killing me is the tentations of checking her social media, im almost in 2 weeks with no contact and i dont miss her one, i dont feel any needs of contacting her but i have a lot of tentation to stalk her on social media where shes very active

She posts photos with her boyfriend and it completely destroys me, i was on a 4 day no seeing anything row and i broke it today, i felt destroyed for what i have seen, seeing her happy with her boyfriend just kills me.

Also, she has posted in a social network that she no longer uses yet knows i check, a photo of her and her boyfriend doing something that we used to do, they are laughing in the photo, not sure if this is provocation... .

Is anyone going through the same situation? What limit shoud i set? How many weeks without seeing?

[Idsrvt2]

Yes, I'm in a similar situation as I'm here crying again tonight still from seeing what I saw yesterday on my x social media ... which he hadn't updated in six plus years so I'm sure he did so so I would see it.

I checked not thinking they would post a thing so this has hit me hard ... .they posted they are getting back out into the world... .they were reclusive while with me and it was a constant struggle... .   

I did something I should not have I retaliated on mine and posted stuff specifically for them... .I probably will take it down.  But I was so upset .

I would say try to set a limit if twice a week especially if what you are seeing is upsetting you. Then go to weekly or not checking.  I need to do this too as this has knocked me back in my healing .   They took enough from us don't give these people anymore  they never will be who we need them to be... .checking their social media is of no benefit the outcome is the same always

[Pretty Woman]

Nothing good comes of checking.

Listen, I did it myself today. Sure enough there is a picture of my ex in Vegas smiling and having a great time. She is on vacation with my replacement and today is her birthday.

I forgot today was that day. Anyways, it set me back.

My ex always posts her trips as her profile and main pic because she has a ton of people blocked, not just me. It's only so we see the "good stuff" or what they want us to believe is good in their lives. My ex recently also unfriended all our mutual friends... .after two years. That tells me one thing: things aren't what they seem and she doesn't want me to know that.

You will drive yourself bananas trying to figure out why your ex does this. Don't. Likely they aren't goading you at all. Her new amore is likely o livioys to it and she is trying to create a false happiness.

If she is truly BPD she is never happy.

What you need to remember is how YOU felt with her. I promise you this, she won't become a sweet angel with the next one.

When I was with my ex she ruined every vacation. Every vacation she'd pick a fight and dump me immediately afterwards. We never lived together as she does with her current gf. I cannot imagine how awful it would be to live with her wrath 24-7. I give kudos to anyone who could tolerate that.

So right now my ex who has a serious gambling problem (lost 60k four years ago... .all her savings) is in a place where she lacks complete impulse control. I could sit here feeling bad she is enjoying a vacation with someone else yet I know what will likely happen and it's nothing to be envious of. I'm in a better place.

[Huh?]

It's hard not to check. I almost wish she would post a new picture of her with somebody new... .so I could completely move on.  9 months after being cut off from her, it's still just a picture of her.

My waif/hermit removed me from her social media in 2014 after our first break up.  For the next two and half years while we "worked on us" (I.e. Strung me along) I had no presence on her social media... .no mention of me, no pictures, nothing.

So 9 months later, she has changed her pictures a few times but it is still just her alone.  No idea if she's with somebody else or not... .I wish I had it confirmed so I can just digest the pain and let go.

I do know she possibly cheated while we were together and dated during our brief "breaks", she admitted that to me.   It's just a matter of time I suppose.

[Gear Jammer]

She blocked me after 2 years of being apart I guess she couldn't stand having the reminders of me on FB. What ever the guy she's with isn't that good in the looks department she's, any unsuspecting person looks at him and her would wonder why good looking girl is with a guy like him.

She wanted to be with him for money he has lots of it she's helped him spend lots of it, what she wants she gets. Is she happy? nope, any vacation she has gone on with him she's ruined it, came back unhappy any pictures I've seen she's got a fake smile.

She knows the guy she's with now will never leave her he's got no hope in hell attracting another woman the stress of being with her has taken the toll. She maybe at most be 140 pounds stands about 5'6" he's pushing 300 pounds now stands 6'2" big gut handing off of him. For him she's arm candy no way he would attract a woman that was a non BPD that is attractive as my ex.

She hated the fact that I attracted the attention of other woman it would trigger her jealousy it would eventually cause a fight between us. I'm pretty sure I triggered her insecurities big time. The only reason why I looked at her FB once in a while to see if she's getting fat. She gained some weight when we started fighting she put on a good 15 pounds maybe more.

[KtotheK]

If theres something that has absolutely been killing me is the tentations of checking her social media, im almost in 2 weeks with no contact and i dont miss her one, i dont feel any needs of contacting her but i have a lot of tentation to stalk her on social media where shes very active

She posts photos with her boyfriend and it completely destroys me, i was on a 4 day no seeing anything row and i broke it today, i felt destroyed for what i have seen, seeing her happy with her boyfriend just kills me.

Also, she has posted in a social network that she no longer uses yet knows i check, a photo of her and her boyfriend doing something that we used to do, they are laughing in the photo, not sure if this is provocation... .

Is anyone going through the same situation? What limit shoud i set? How many weeks without seeing?

It is soo hard and the temptation is always there. I saw it as a way of still having contact / insight (we are  NC) but all it does is torture yourself! All I saw was her happy and loving life! (What the pics seemed to portray anyway). However, social media can give a skewed view. Often what you may see is not what it is like or a true picture. I haven't looked at social media (FB, insta ) for near on 6 weeks now (NC now 3 and half months) and the not seeing is better. I do find myself imagining what she's doing which I guess can be difficult cos you imagine all sorts and things that aren't happening etc. I do ask close friends has she posted much etc but I am asking far less.
I have been replaced and I did see pics of them before I eventually stopped looking. It tore me apart. It does take time however . But I would say to you try your best not to look. It is torturous and will not make you feel good, particularly if they have a replacement. Remember, the replacement isn't better than you, and what you see isn't necessarily what's happening. They have a disorder and they are doing the only thing they know how to do... .avoiding being alone, filling the empty space with external stuff, love bombing, idealising as only they know how... .it is true and honest ... .we know the answer to that. And yes it hurts so so much but I am beginning to realise slowly but surely after 3 years of hurt and being recycled 2-3 times, I deserve better and I need to assess myself and think about me. You will get there ... .try not to look but it does take time. It's normal to want to. But be kind to yourself

[happendtome]

It's hard not to check. I almost wish she would post a new picture of her with somebody new... .so I could completely move on.  9 months after being cut off from her, it's still just a picture of her.

So 9 months later, she has changed her pictures a few times but it is still just her alone.  No idea if she's with somebody else or not... .I wish I had it confirmed so I can just digest the pain and let go.

That is interesting and i have thought about this myself too. But what if we dont update our profiles? What would BPD-s think about it? When they cant get peek inside our lives? Do they care?

Personally i dont check my ex-s profile, i havent blocked her either. Of course im curious, but i have pretty much accepted that its finished.

[Infern0]

It's difficult to start with but like most other things when it comes to recovery when you turn your attention to yourself it gets a LOT easier not to check.

It serves zero purpose apart from hurting yourself.

[GlennT]

I stalk her social page. It sets me back big time. Not losing sleep or dreaming about her in a romantic way anymore. Far from it. I get a sick enjoyment from watching her cheat and fail. She also has extreme health issues, but that did'nt stop her latest addiction for a friend's fiance. She is also engaged. The friend went ballistic, and ex BPD mysteriously vanished. Now i am wondering if she died or something from the stress, or was murdered? This is sadistic entertainment for me, but is setting me back, and basicly may turn me into one if i don't stop. So, what if she finally died? I sincerely doubt, that in the end, I will feel good about it.

[TsunamiWave]

I completely agree with everyone here, its nothing but torture and servers no other purpose. But its soo soo hard, i was in a 4 day no checking row and somedays you're just at home doing nothing, lonely and the tentation is HUGE and all it takes is one click, and then boom you end up doing a complete analysis to their damn lives.

When i first saw her with her boyfriend in the pictures i got completely destroyed, i saw it now and it still hurts but i feel like the effect is not the same, it hurts but not as much, feels like i'll eventualy walk to numbness and that i wont feel a thing one day when i look at those pictures. I certainly hope so.

That is interesting and i have thought about this myself too. But what if we dont update our profiles? What would BPD-s think about it? When they cant get peek inside our lives? Do they care?

Personally i dont check my ex-s profile, i havent blocked her either. Of course im curious, but i have pretty much accepted that its finished.

+1

I also wonder about this, would appreciate if anyone had an answer about it.



UPDATE: 15 days later, my ex stalked my facebook account.
Her picture hasn't changed in my messenger for 15 days even though she has changed her picture multiple times, and somehow it only showed up 15 days later, which means that she has unblocked me, stalked to see what she wanted to see and then blocked me again.

[KtotheK]

I completely agree with everyone here, its nothing but torture and servers no other purpose. But its soo soo hard, i was in a 4 day no checking row and somedays you're just at home doing nothing, lonely and the tentation is HUGE and all it takes is one click, and then boom you end up doing a complete analysis to their damn lives.

When i first saw her with her boyfriend in the pictures i got completely destroyed, i saw it now and it still hurts but i feel like the effect is not the same, it hurts but not as much, feels like i'll eventualy walk to numbness and that i wont feel a thing one day when i look at those pictures. I certainly hope so.


+1

I also wonder about this, would appreciate if anyone had an answer about it.



UPDATE: 15 days later, my ex stalked my facebook account.
Her picture hasn't changed in my messenger for 15 days even though she has changed her picture multiple times, and somehow it only showed up 15 days later, which means that she has unblocked me, stalked to see what she wanted to see and then blocked me again.

You've got to try and keep yourself as busy as you possibly can! Having time on your hands tempts you even more and allows your mind to go crazy. Even if you don't feel like going out / seeing ppl ... do it!

[TsunamiWave]

You've got to try and keep yourself as busy as you possibly can! Having time on your hands tempts you even more and allows your mind to go crazy. Even if you don't feel like going out / seeing ppl ... do it!

Yeah i have been trying to do that but this has had such an effect on me that even the things i love to do the most become overwhelmed by these thoughts

[roberto516]

Yeah i have been trying to do that but this has had such an effect on me that even the things i love to do the most become overwhelmed by these thoughts

Me too. I just trust that the feelings will subside. I joined a softball team and I felt real sad today because I saw people playing, and their girlfriends were watching. My first thought was "Well she probably would have never come to a game anyway" but then it was "I wish I could let her know how I did after the game when we spent the rest of the day together."

I don't know how much this will help you. It sounds like you might just be grieving still, which is okay. But when I have the thoughts I find the feeling. Usually sadness. And I literally say to myself. "Okay I am sad now. But what is happening to me right now? No one is hurting me. This sadness isn't killing me. Look! See for yourself! It's not hurting you." And that usually helps. It can become draining after a while, but I know 100% that the more I respond to those feelings differently my brain is going to learn.

My brain is no different than yours and anyone else living. If we do a behavior enough our brain will go on autopilot whenever it's presented with a behavior to do for an emotion. Easier said than done. But I did this before after a BPD relationship. I know I can do it again. We all can. We all will. We have no choice.

[KtotheK]

Yeah i have been trying to do that but this has had such an effect on me that even the things i love to do the most become overwhelmed by these thoughts

I'm sorry I probably came across like it's so simple and I truly know it's not. I didn't mean to be patronising. It's all consuming and so so hard. I've been the lowest I have ever been in my life over this relationship. I know it's not as simple as just getting on - truly I do. Keep posting and keep talking. I've found great strength on here, at times when I thought there was no strength left in me. Be kind to yourself and you are certainly not alone.

[TsunamiWave]

UPDATE: Broke the no spying rule on day 4.

It's like after i check it i get very angry and motivated to never check it again, but then some days later something happens and my brain starts creating possibilities as "what if they broke up" "is their relationship going down already" and it forces me to check, just to find out that... .it's not.

Currently on day 2.