My Mom is giving up and I am getting very ill

[Mamasoft]

Hello,

I am new to the board. My mother has been suicidal all my life. I have been the parent. She is depressed and now has cognitive impairment. I call her 5 times a day to make sure she is ok and I am not living my life. She is isolated and over medicated. She does not drive anymore and so I am her primary caregiver. I am overwhelmed and when anyone suggests I back away I want to leave that relationship. I have heart palpitations and chronic gastritis from the stress of her non functioning. I also have a daughter who is showing symptoms of BPD as well. I feel hopeless and afraid. I feel so sad for my mom and her very unhappy life and I keep telling myself when she says awful things to me that she is mentally ill and cant help it. I freeze when we are together and it is a horrible relationship. I have been to DBt with my daughter and I have PTSD from being with my mom during her suicide attempts. She was a young single mother so my life depended on her staying alive. I just cant let go of the panic of her killing herself.

[Kwamina]

Hi Mamasoft,

It is horrible when family-members have suicidal tendencies and I can definitely see how this could cause you PTSD. You say your mother is currently depressed, is she still exhibiting suicidal tendencies?

You mention your mother being over medicated. Is she being treated for her depression and cognitive impairment? What kind of meds is she taking?

You have a lot on your plate and are also dealing with your daughter who is showing BPD traits. You did go to DBT with your daughter, how is your daughter doing now?

Welcome to bpdfamily and I hope your participation here will help you cope with this difficult situation

[Mamasoft]

Hi

My daughter is doing better. She did not really participate much in DBT. She is still depressed but she is going to school. She has pretty low motivation and she does not do much socially. She is not as isolated as she was.

My mom is on Clonazipan Zoloft Trazadone and neurotin. As well as several blood pressure and diabetes medications.

The state is now getting involved and I am so thankful. SHe is experincing depression and I wonder if her use of benzo's for a long time on a regular basis are causing some issues.

I went to be a part of the assesment and she basically made me out to be a vicious awful person who is and has been trying to punish her for her entire life. it is hard to hear my mother saying these things and even though I understand that she is ill I still begin to believe her.

I am very codependent and when I can not get a hold of her I panic and think she is dead.