Struggling

[Our abuse recovery guide]

My sister with BPD has been priming my parents for a few months to try to get them to let her move back in. She has had over 24 in-patient hospitalizations and more out-patient treatments. She struggles with multiple addictions, eating disorder, BPD, and schizotypal traits.

Last summer, I went to my parents' house and found her there, staggering around incoherent. She was also smoking something out of a vape pen that smelled like airplane glue or nail polish remover. Next, I convinced her to go to the hospital, and she went up to her room. I heard pills rattling and kicked down the door. She had pills and drugs everywhere, and my sister was swallowing a whole bottle of pills. I rushed her to the hospital and had to make her drink charcoal. She was *thisclose* to getting involuntarily committed (which may be the best thing for her- will explain below) and got someone to sign her out. She lived with this guy and his family rent-free for four months, but there were rules in his house, so she insisted on moving out and renting a room in a trailer from some guy on Craigslist for the last several months. Recently, she moved out (he was busted by the cops for drugs a week later) and moved into a horrible area.

She claims to have been mugged in the park at night coming back from the bus in this area. More likely, she was trying to buy drugs or got into a physical altercation with her gem of a boyfriend. However, her phone is gone, and she was on Facebook all day Monday this week posting injury selfies, begging for sympathy and asking for money and a free phone. Finally, after pleading all day a friend of the family gave her a free phone. (This is her third phone this year).

My sister has never had a long-term hospitalization. Her symptoms and drug abuse are so complex that after a month, clinicians have barely scratched the surface. She is on a number of psychotropic drugs, antipsychotics, anxiety and depression meds, medication for fibromyalgia, opiods (multiple, she keeps scamming doctors for them), and other meds. My sister has a storied history with drug abuse including cigarettes, alcohol, cocaine, heroin, ecstasy, synthetic marijuana, and now I believe she is on meth.
It is hard to separate out where her symptoms are coming from, and it has been a long time since she has been clean. In a psychiatric setting, she could detox, and there is a psychiatric hospital in our area (my cousin used to work there) that is clean, well-run, and has a BPD unit with qualified psychiatric doctors and nurses. The state would also give her more assistance with assimilating into the community, helping her to find clean and sober housing and a job after her commitment.

She has been having all of these unexplained abscesses recently and has lost a ton of weight. She is shockingly awake and lucid most of the time (unusual with all the meds she's on), and has continued dental problems (cracked teeth, etc). It would also explain the airplane glue smell in my parents' house.

Naturally, my parents believe her story about the park and are terrified to send her back to her apartment. I am now afraid that she has primed them and will not move out. I sent them an email with information from the woman at my mental health association, but it is not safe for them to have her in the house with all the dealers she associates with, dangerous drug usage, and habit of continually sponging from them and asking them for things. This is just enabling her and postponing the necessary commitment in my opinion.

I am seriously worried for my parents' safety and well-being. They are not in a great financial situation. If she is cooking meth, she could blow their house up, or even worse, her dealer could come knocking. My mom works for the courts in that county, so any legal action could cost her her job, or be terribly embarassing. I am horribly worried for my sister's well-being and just praying that she will be ok. There is no other hospital in the area that has a unit that works well with BPD patients, and she is on medicare and medicaid, so unless she goes through a state facility, she will not be kept long-term.

I am looking for advice and support, as I am trying to navigate this. It seems that if I stay in touch with my parents, my husband and I end up fixing things around their house that she destroys, picking up a lot of the slack around the holidays and special events (they get too stressed out to deal), and ultimately having to be the adult to take her to the hospital when she goes into psychosis. I also lose sleep (which I discuss with my therapist) about their home getting raided, her dealer showing up to shoot them, my parents getting humiliated by her legal issues in court at my mom's job, and my parent's home blowing up. They have had drug dealers and people in their home before that they had to kick out, have spent their entire retirement fund (and my college fund) treating my sister over the years, and have had people hiding and living in their shed. Her boyfriend, who squatted in their shed, also stole from them multiple times, cheated on my sister, and gave her an STD.

Parents of BPD kids, what can I say to get through to them? I don't want to be left planning 3 funerals for the 3 people I love most when she blows their home up.

[sisbpd]

My sister with BPD has been priming my parents for a few months to try to get them to let her move back in. She has had over 24 in-patient hospitalizations and more out-patient treatments. She struggles with multiple addictions, eating disorder, BPD, and schizotypal traits.

Last summer, I went to my parents' house and found her there, staggering around incoherent. She was also smoking something out of a vape pen that smelled like airplane glue or nail polish remover. Next, I convinced her to go to the hospital, and she went up to her room. I heard pills rattling and kicked down the door. She had pills and drugs everywhere, and my sister was swallowing a whole bottle of pills. I rushed her to the hospital and had to make her drink charcoal. She was *thisclose* to getting involuntarily committed (which may be the best thing for her- will explain below) and got someone to sign her out. She lived with this guy and his family rent-free for four months, but there were rules in his house, so she insisted on moving out and renting a room in a trailer from some guy on Craigslist for the last several months. Recently, she moved out (he was busted by the cops for drugs a week later) and moved into a horrible area.

She claims to have been mugged in the park at night coming back from the bus in this area. More likely, she was trying to buy drugs or got into a physical altercation with her gem of a boyfriend. However, her phone is gone, and she was on Facebook all day Monday this week posting injury selfies, begging for sympathy and asking for money and a free phone. Finally, after pleading all day a friend of the family gave her a free phone. (This is her third phone this year).

My sister has never had a long-term hospitalization. Her symptoms and drug abuse are so complex that after a month, clinicians have barely scratched the surface. She is on a number of psychotropic drugs, antipsychotics, anxiety and depression meds, medication for fibromyalgia, opiods (multiple, she keeps scamming doctors for them), and other meds. My sister has a storied history with drug abuse including cigarettes, alcohol, cocaine, heroin, ecstasy, synthetic marijuana, and now I believe she is on meth.
It is hard to separate out where her symptoms are coming from, and it has been a long time since she has been clean. In a psychiatric setting, she could detox, and there is a psychiatric hospital in our area (my cousin used to work there) that is clean, well-run, and has a BPD unit with qualified psychiatric doctors and nurses. The state would also give her more assistance with assimilating into the community, helping her to find clean and sober housing and a job after her commitment.

She has been having all of these unexplained abscesses recently and has lost a ton of weight. She is shockingly awake and lucid most of the time (unusual with all the meds she's on), and has continued dental problems (cracked teeth, etc). It would also explain the airplane glue smell in my parents' house.

Naturally, my parents believe her story about the park and are terrified to send her back to her apartment. I am now afraid that she has primed them and will not move out. I sent them an email with information from the woman at my mental health association, but it is not safe for them to have her in the house with all the dealers she associates with, dangerous drug usage, and habit of continually sponging from them and asking them for things. This is just enabling her and postponing the necessary commitment in my opinion.

I am seriously worried for my parents' safety and well-being. They are not in a great financial situation. If she is cooking meth, she could blow their house up, or even worse, her dealer could come knocking. My mom works for the courts in that county, so any legal action could cost her her job, or be terribly embarassing. I am horribly worried for my sister's well-being and just praying that she will be ok. There is no other hospital in the area that has a unit that works well with BPD patients, and she is on medicare and medicaid, so unless she goes through a state facility, she will not be kept long-term.

I am looking for advice and support, as I am trying to navigate this. It seems that if I stay in touch with my parents, my husband and I end up fixing things around their house that she destroys, picking up a lot of the slack around the holidays and special events (they get too stressed out to deal), and ultimately having to be the adult to take her to the hospital when she goes into psychosis. I also lose sleep (which I discuss with my therapist) about their home getting raided, her dealer showing up to shoot them, my parents getting humiliated by her legal issues in court at my mom's job, and my parent's home blowing up. They have had drug dealers and people in their home before that they had to kick out, have spent their entire retirement fund (and my college fund) treating my sister over the years, and have had people hiding and living in their shed. Her boyfriend, who squatted in their shed, also stole from them multiple times, cheated on my sister, and gave her an STD.

Parents of BPD kids, what can I say to get through to them? I don't want to be left planning 3 funerals for the 3 people I love most when she blows their home up.

[Kwamina]

Hi sisBPD,

Your sister sadly has some serious issues. I understand why you are concerned for how things would develop if your parents would let her stay with them. Do you feel like your parents really acknowledge just how bad the situation with your sister is? Do your parents acknowledge that your sister has some serious mental issues?

At the end of the day your parents and your sister are adults and responsible for their own behavior, yet that does not stop you from worrying about them of course. I am glad you do have the support of a therapist to help you deal with all of this.

Parents of BPD kids, what can I say to get through to them? I don't want to be left planning 3 funerals for the 3 people I love most when she blows their home up.

We cannot make people change if they do nat want to, but what might help is to explore the communication techniques described on this site such as S.E.T. and D.E.A.R.M.A.N. Are you familiar with these techniques? Have you perhaps ever tried them?

Also to help you stay more calm and keep your mind in the present, it might help to practice mindfulness/meditation. Have you perhaps ever done this before? Based on your past experiences, it makes sense that you would have concerns about this situation. Yet, you don't know for certain how things will turn out and mindfulness/meditation can potentially help prevent you from getting too far ahead of yourself.