Deep down i wish so badly that she would come and beg me to help her and apologise for how she has been and tell me she wants me. But thats all a fantasy. So the alternative is it has to be over. And im ok with that.
Its abit like being in AA. We should get chips for our NC goals haha.
How do you feel about your NC on this occasion?
I wish she would too. Just like this message or phone call saying how she wronged me, and only wants me, and bla bla bla. But it will never come. A sad reality to face.
You won't believe it but at 24 hours I cut out a circle on a piece of paper and wrote "24 hours" on it . I'm going to do the same at a week, so on, and so forth.
For me, once I got through the first 24 hours I realized that I didn't "need" to be in touch with her about anything else. It was like my brain finally calmed down once it realized it wasn't getting it's "fix". My brain was thinking of all excuses, it still does, to reach out. I'm trying to focus on the feelings. They come and go in waves. But today, I've felt more good than bad. And I keep reminding myself of that. My brain needs new memories. Memories of me being happy, and content.
Anyway, if she did what your ex is doing to you now with the phone calls, etc. I'd have a really hard time resisting.
You're doing great work coming here though. It's what I should have done with each possible contact from her. Keep it up. This stuff gives me motivation to continue.
