Three months out yesterday my reflections

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Yesterday was my three month away from the x... .not counting the after texts and the restraining order dates
When I realized it I started to reflect on what has happened since then

I was at the bottom of the barrel... crying... .PTSD and extreme betrayal ... I was fearful he had forty guns and all that could have happened to me.

Life after my x has been a bumpy road ... a few weeks ago I hit and awhile gut wrenching place... where I was so resentful of him... I was crying again, not eating and just depressed.  I still was going out , but going thru the motions.

I skipped my usual Thursday nite out as I could not be around people.
I randomly met an Irish guy in the parking lot of the grocery store... .I ran it by my councilor and she pointed out "so he mentioned how people take advantage of being on public assistance on your first meeting?"
And I told her he reminded me of my x with talking politics ...

That guy never called
I continued with life, meeting and talking to new people.  A new awuantance framed the relationship with my x so perfectly and since then my view changed  as what they said, it really clicked.

I've had more liars cross my path  then anyone can imagine, more lies and betrayal one being my new housemate.  Promising me the world much like my x and then bailing. But not before telling me even more lies and being very self centered... .I picked up on an oddness with her and then it all surfaces.     I've had a guy doing work for me also lie and not do a complete job .

Dealing with liars and unstable people still is difficult for me.
As my councilor says I'm surrounded by  instability

I still have difficulty setting boundaries with my parents

Since then breakup I've taken myself to two movies

Beauty and the beast and Wonder Woman ... .I enjoyed them both alone by myself in peace.
Last nite I met a nice guy, who happens to reserve the seat next to me and was also alone and we are going to go out as friends ... he had no flags so far. He was positive and kind. . I test almost everyone I meet . I notice flags and trust my gut .  Ironically my mom knows his sister ( Small world)

I think the universe is placing people in my life to show me there is life after my x. And to show me just how odd our interactions  were. 

In general I'm more hopeful of my future ... I no ,longer feel an urge to get back with my x... .in fact I didn't see him at all last week.   

I'm hoping that this is my turning point and if I do slip back it won't be as bad... .I have to really be strong for the court date in July  and I'm doing everything possible to do just that.

My counciling sessions are coming to an end. Though and I will miss them... it's amazing how helpful they have been .  She just listens and gives input ... .I'm still looking for a therapist.
So to summarize... I have grown a lot and have learned many lessons.  If someone liesto me even once I cut them off or I know not to believe all they say and do... .I don't make e xxuses for any liar.  I've focused more on myself and my life and not worrying about others... .as I'm not responsible for them .  I'm also working hard to get my neck etc back to being more functional so I need less help. 

[Idsrvt2]

Yesterday was my three month away from the x... .not counting the after texts and the restraining order dates
When I realized it I started to reflect on what has happened since then

I was at the bottom of the barrel... crying... .PTSD and extreme betrayal ... I was fearful he had forty guns and all that could have happened to me.

Life after my x has been a bumpy road ... a few weeks ago I hit and awhile gut wrenching place... where I was so resentful of him... I was crying again, not eating and just depressed.  I still was going out , but going thru the motions.

I skipped my usual Thursday nite out as I could not be around people.
I randomly met an Irish guy in the parking lot of the grocery store... .I ran it by my councilor and she pointed out "so he mentioned how people take advantage of being on public assistance on your first meeting?"
And I told her he reminded me of my x with talking politics ...

That guy never called
I continued with life, meeting and talking to new people.  A new awuantance framed the relationship with my x so perfectly and since then my view changed  as what they said, it really clicked.

I've had more liars cross my path  then anyone can imagine, more lies and betrayal one being my new housemate.  Promising me the world much like my x and then bailing. But not before telling me even more lies and being very self centered... .I picked up on an oddness with her and then it all surfaces.     I've had a guy doing work for me also lie and not do a complete job .

Dealing with liars and unstable people still is difficult for me.
As my councilor says I'm surrounded by  instability

I still have difficulty setting boundaries with my parents

Since then breakup I've taken myself to two movies

Beauty and the beast and Wonder Woman ... .I enjoyed them both alone by myself in peace.
Last nite I met a nice guy, who happens to reserve the seat next to me and was also alone and we are going to go out as friends ... he had no flags so far. He was positive and kind. . I test almost everyone I meet . I notice flags and trust my gut .  Ironically my mom knows his sister ( Small world)

I think the universe is placing people in my life to show me there is life after my x. And to show me just how odd our interactions  were. 

In general I'm more hopeful of my future ... I no ,longer feel an urge to get back with my x... .in fact I didn't see him at all last week.   

I'm hoping that this is my turning point and if I do slip back it won't be as bad... .I have to really be strong for the court date in July  and I'm doing everything possible to do just that.

My counciling sessions are coming to an end. Though and I will miss them... it's amazing how helpful they have been .  She just listens and gives input ... .I'm still looking for a therapist.
So to summarize... I have grown a lot and have learned many lessons.  If someone liesto me even once I cut them off or I know not to believe all they say and do... .I don't make e xxuses for any liar.  I've focused more on myself and my life and not worrying about others... .as I'm not responsible for them .  I'm also working hard to get my neck etc back to being more functional so I need less help. 

[heartandwhole]

So to summarize... I have grown a lot and have learned many lessons.  If someone liesto me even once I cut them off or I know not to believe all they say and do... .I don't make e xxuses for any liar.  I've focused more on myself and my life and not worrying about others... .as I'm not responsible for them .  I'm also working hard to get my neck etc back to being more functional so I need less help.  

Idsrvt2,

This sounds good! You have been through a lot, and I commend you for forging ahead amidst the hurt and missing of your ex. It's really difficult to get through, but there is a better life and more self-love on the other side. That has been my experience, and I hope it is yours as well.

What you are doing to help your neck? Is it physical therapy exercises?

Keep on the healing path. We're here for you.  

heartandwhole