Hi... finally seeking some help for a 20+ year issue

[blackbirdsinging]

Hi everyone,

I am a female young adult who just came upon the realization that my mother has been affected by BPD. I say this realization is recent because I always thought this was some form of bipolar disorder as this is what my grandmother had - but i've come to realize what my mom has is much different. This revelation also came from a therapist who my dad started seeing recently. My mom made him go to therapy because she told him that he has "anger issues" which is completely untrue and is another way of her just putting her issues on us. The therapist told my dad that the uncontrollable rages my mother goes through, her hyper criticism of every member of my family, and her intense narcissism likely stems from BPD.

I have been affected by this on the more extreme end since I was in high school - this is when my anxiety disorders and panic disorder were first diagnosed. I know that these issues I have most likely stem from insecurity brought upon by her verbal abuse and her constant tendency to criticize and never deliver true compliments. I have been walking on eggshells around her for years but I know its finally time for me to seek help for this situation. I am normally out of the house at school, and my younger brother is about to enter college, but my middle school sister is about to be in a house with just my parents. My mom is abusive to everyone in our family but i fear that my mother having just two people to attack instead of 4 will be ultimately detrimental to my younger sister's mental health. Everyone but my mom has acknowledged that she has a problem and we all work to keep eachother out of her harm as much as possible but I need advice on how to best protect my younger sister before i leave again in August.

I know if I ever suggest to her outright that i think she needs help she will attack me and probably come up in her head that my dad is plotting against her (which she has mentioned several times) - and I fear she will kick him out of our house. He wants to help her genuinely but I think hes lost as well and I need to step up in help.

Thanks everyone, I'm hopeful to join in on this and learn from all of you. <3

[Turkish]

How aware of these things is your little sister? How has she been dealing thus far?

We have a lot of material on the Co-Parenting With A BPD Board which can help you help her.  This is a lot of material to offer,  but please ask any and all questions: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=182254.0

We speak a lot here about validating the pwBPD  (person with BPD). But the validation tools work with anybody.

Turkish