Going Off The Rails On A Crazy Train

[Mister Mxyzptlk]

Im a 52 yr old male, married to a woman with BPD traits. This is my second marriage (and hers) and we have been married for a year and three months. I also have my own mental illness struggling with depression, anxiety and co-dependency. Bottom line is we are both baggage laden with hurts and hangups from our dysfunctional families. I have just learned about BPD and have felt relief because I have felt like I was completely out of my mind for a long time now.

In other words, my dysfunction and hers don't play nice together. I certainly have my flaws, but I've felt like I'm bats@#t crazy and questioning my own mental health until my counselor told me about BPD. My wife and I are both Christians, and I (and I would say she as well) do not want to get another divorce. This is all so new to me, and I need help making sense of my situation. The only thing sustaining me is my faith in Jesus.

Long story short, my wife doesn't think she has BPD, and has since refused to go back to marriage counseling with me. I'm being shut out, ignored, and it hurts. I have come to realize that I need to worry about my own mental health and wellbeing and am putting things in place to draw closer to God, my Mighty Counselor, but I would sure love to hear from others on how they deal with a BPD spouse and ask for tips to help protect myself while still doing my best to be kind to my wife. Right now I am the bad guy and it's "all my fault". I think she is waiting for me to apologize and "own" that I am painting her as a villain and myself as the classic victim. In my mind, apologizing for something I am not doing isn't going to help, and besides, my words mean nothing at this point. She is looking for actions... .I realize that the actions I take need to be to protect and strengthen myself... .in other words, it's time to take care of myself.

Anyways, I could go on, but I think y'all get the point. I would be appreciative of prayers and guidance from those who have been dealing with this for longer than I.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Tattered Heart]

Welcome to the board 

As a born again Christian, I am in the same boat as you. We come from a different worldview than others and our response to BPD comes not only from the mental reality but also from a spiritual realm. We don't wrestle with flesh and blood, but against other spiritual forces. I have to remind myself that it is not my H that I"m fighting. I would suggest starting with the book Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud. This book has made such a HUGE difference for me in learning more about how God views boundaries.

The Bible helps ALOT. I find verses that help to sustain me and verses about healing my H mind and emotions. I pray those verses as prayers for him and for me. I also find comfort in knowing that even when my H does not or cannot love me, that I am never ever alone. I have the best person in all of eternity to share my emotions and my heart with--Jesus. He is the Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, and Prince of Peace.

This site also has so many resources and workshops with tools to help us communicate better with our pwBPD. You can find some of those on the right side of the page. Even if your wife never goes to counseling again, it is important that you take care of yourself. Finding a good therapist can help you work through what it is that you need to do to take care of your emotional well being.

[5min]

Tattered Heart,

It would be great if you would list the "verses about healing my H mind and emotions". As a believer, it is important to pray God's word back to Him.

Thanks,

[Tattered Heart]

Here's a few:

2 Timothy 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind.

1 Corinthians 2:15 Who has known the mind of the Lord so as to instruct him? But we have the mind of Christ.

Philippians 4:6-8 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Romans 12:2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing, and perfect will.