I feel sick and anxious

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Hi all

So 3 days ago I posted saying my my uBPDex had messaged out of the blue after 5 months NC. I was an apology text of sorts. I posted to ask what the motive could be ... .I haven't responded.

The said ex left for the other side of the world on Xmas day after a 4 month recycle and discard.

I have found out this eve that she on her way home as I type ... .I feel sick, scared, anxious. I believe that the replacement is also on the way home / or is already back in the U.K. (Also British) and I feel sick at the very thought. I am now further questioning the motive behind the message 6 days ago.

I had various view points ... .just feeling guilty and bad and reaching out. Possibly feeling lonely ... .possibly setting up for a recycle (make some sense now I know she is on way home ?). I am confused and now don't know what to think.
Part of me thinks it was a sorry message with the intent of being able to say when she's home 'well I did apologise' so that she can continue the relationship with my replacement kind of guilt free? Or is that stupid?

What should I now expect? To hear about them being plastered all over social media happy and content here ... .or do I expect further contact? In the past, one ignited message has led to further (which I also ignored). I feel sick. Combination of knowing she's coming home ... .probably to be with the replacement ... the fact that there may be further contact ... .but more so I think, I feel sick and anxious cos the relationship will continue here where everyone will meet the new one? The otherside of the world hurt, but now it could be on the doorstep. Why did she text 6 days ago... .she would have known her return was imminent im assuming.
 Help ? What should I think?
 

[KtotheK]

Hi all

So 3 days ago I posted saying my my uBPDex had messaged out of the blue after 5 months NC. I was an apology text of sorts. I posted to ask what the motive could be ... .I haven't responded.

The said ex left for the other side of the world on Xmas day after a 4 month recycle and discard.

I have found out this eve that she on her way home as I type ... .I feel sick, scared, anxious. I believe that the replacement is also on the way home / or is already back in the U.K. (Also British) and I feel sick at the very thought. I am now further questioning the motive behind the message 6 days ago.

I had various view points ... .just feeling guilty and bad and reaching out. Possibly feeling lonely ... .possibly setting up for a recycle (make some sense now I know she is on way home ?). I am confused and now don't know what to think.
Part of me thinks it was a sorry message with the intent of being able to say when she's home 'well I did apologise' so that she can continue the relationship with my replacement kind of guilt free? Or is that stupid?

What should I now expect? To hear about them being plastered all over social media happy and content here ... .or do I expect further contact? In the past, one ignited message has led to further (which I also ignored). I feel sick. Combination of knowing she's coming home ... .probably to be with the replacement ... the fact that there may be further contact ... .but more so I think, I feel sick and anxious cos the relationship will continue here where everyone will meet the new one? The otherside of the world hurt, but now it could be on the doorstep. Why did she text 6 days ago... .she would have known her return was imminent im assuming.
 Help ? What should I think?
 

[JQ]

Hey KtotheK,

You've had a stumble on your path ... .& your reaching up for a hand to help ... .so let me be one of the first to hold mine out and pull you up ... .dust you off and lets get you started on your journey again ... .this time lets try a different path shall we?

First ... .YOU should not care what others thing of you & this included your pwBPD. So it really makes NO difference what the meaning was behind the text right?  I had various view points ... .just feeling guilty and bad and reaching out. Possibly feeling lonely ... .possibly setting up for a recycle

My question if your intent is to remove yourself from the flying monkey's of your EXpwBPD why haven't you blocked them on your phone/FB/social media altogether? Better yet why haven't you gone to your carrier & asked for a new number. You should be able to do that right online.

Imagine for a second if you had done that ... .REALLY think about this for a few moments ... .get your head wrapped around it.  If you had done that your EXpwBPD wouldn't have been able to reach out & touch you via a text, etc.  And by NOT being able to reach out to you ... .you wouldn't currently being feeling ... .what did you say ... .oh yeah ... ."I feel sick, scared, anxious"   But now you're inside your flat dealing with her flying monkey's she let fly to cause YOU chaos, pain, hurt.  :)o NOT try to use logic as to why they texted you because their Very Serious Cluster B Mental Illness doesn't & will NEVER make sense to a NON because the two are NOT connected.

SOO ... .instead of worrying/thinking/obsessing/wondering about her causing you to feel sick, scared, or anxious ... .YOU should be thinking about taking BETTER care of YOU~!  YOU can NOT do that if you're obsessing about your EXpwBPD right?  :)o NOT let her behavior be a concern of YOURS.

 Instead ... .you should be going for a run/walk/gym to burn off some stress ... .you should go get that slice of cake for breakfast with your tea in the morning.   You should be making plans with your mates to go see a comedy show this weekend or go to a sport event this weekend.  You should make the appointment with your therapist to continue to work on yourself and why you are the rescuer/perfectionist/codependent that you are?  You should be enjoying a sunrise with a cup of tea/Monster/beverage of choice in the morning. YOU should be working on YOU.  

Let her flying monkey's fly right over the top of you ... .Let the Crazy Train leave the station without you buying a ticket ... .Let all that other crap go~!  Just let it go ... .

In answer to your last question ... ."What should I think?"  YOU should THINK about how BETTER to take of YOURSELF ... .thats what you should be thinking ... .

I'm not yelling at you, I would NEVER do that  ... .just pointing out some things that you might not see because you have BPD blinders on right now ... .I'm asking you questions & responding to yours ... .

Like ... .if you're on the ":)etaching" board ... .why is it that you haven't blocked her from all your social media?  Jus asking.  So now what are you going to do on your journey ... .sit back down & do nothing? Continue down the current path & see how that continues to work out for you? Or do you choose a different path and see where that leads you too?

Take a deep breath KtotheK ... .it's going to get better ... .it REALLY does    You're just having a moment ... .the moment is now past ... .here's me patting you on the butt ... .Get walking KtotheK~!  

J

[KtotheK]

Hey KtotheK,

You've had a stumble on your path ... .& your reaching up for a hand to help ... .so let me be one of the first to hold mine out and pull you up ... .dust you off and lets get you started on your journey again ... .this time lets try a different path shall we?

First ... .YOU should not care what others thing of you & this included your pwBPD. So it really makes NO difference what the meaning was behind the text right?  I had various view points ... .just feeling guilty and bad and reaching out. Possibly feeling lonely ... .possibly setting up for a recycle

My question if your intent is to remove yourself from the flying monkey's of your EXpwBPD why haven't you blocked them on your phone/FB/social media altogether? Better yet why haven't you gone to your carrier & asked for a new number. You should be able to do that right?

Hi JQ

Thank you for your response.

I'm not on any social media and avoid looking at hers. Just annoying that she posts a lot and everyone sees it!
I deleted her number but yes didn't block her. It just seemed petty which I know sounds ridiculous. She obviously kept mine.

I know full well I neee to think of me. It's just so hard. I need to be stronger I know that. I did think I had become stronger and more indifferent. I guess when this happens it just shows you how there is more of a journey ahead. Thank you ... .I appreciate your response and I promise I am reading, listening and taking notice

[JQ]

Hey KtotheK,

You have a good frame of mind & want to move forward from your bad BPDr/s ... .this is a good step on your journey. As you continue to read & learn from this sight & others you'll notice that the journey is certainly a long, winding road filled with BPD IED's.  Myself & others in the group are certainly here to assist you on your journey.

Good for you for deleting her number !    But take a moment & block them ... .this will help you on your journey.  It is amazing to read time after time that a NON is on their BPD recovery journey ... .are doing well ... .& then out of the blue their respective exBPD reaches out to them & they stumble on their journey. I was no different in the beginning.  Then reading, learning, researching, therapy I learned that there was NO way to continue ANY type of r/s with any of the BPD people in my life & had to separate myself from them. And honestly it's been the best thing in my life in years with reference to any r/s. Anything you do to improve YOUR personal well being is NOT & will NEVER be petty ... .YOU are taken care of YOU & are in a place to protect yourself & further your journey of self discovery. 

I know that thinking of yourself first is challenging ... .BUT ... .not impossible.  It is learned behavior ... .you like most if not all of us in the group are recovering codependents/rescuer/perfectionist all of us in different stages of recovery.  We have been trained early in our childhood NOT to think of ourself, of our happiness, of our mental health. As I've pointed out to you & others, start out with small steps. Take yourself to a movie, out for a bite to eat or some ice cream because you can. Take some time off for yourself & go someplace to treat yourself even if it's for a weekend or extended weekend.

Something else you can do for YOURSELF ... .when was the last time you reached out to an old friend to catch up?  You've certainly read that it's common to have the BPD separate you from old friends ... .which one haven't you talked to that would like too? When are you going to call them?

So a couple of more questions for you ... .

What did you do to treat YOURSELF today? 

With the weekend starting in a couple of days ... .What is YOUR plan to enjoy YOUR weekend?

J