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[itmaybetime]

My husband of 18 years seemingly did not exhibit any BPD symptoms for about 4 years. Now they are back with a vengeance. I am having trouble understanding how he kept them in check for that time but now the floodgates have opened once again. He was diagnosed quite some time ago and was in therapy. His "recovery" and now decline did not coincide with that, so it isn't because he stopped treatment. He had been diagnosed as bipolar before that, but I knew that wasn't the case, and eventually a psychologist did diagnose him as BPD.
How is this even possible?

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[wendydarling]

Hi itmaybetime 

Welcome to bpdfamily. I'm sorry to hear your husbands symptoms are back with a vengeance. It maybe something stressful has happened you are not aware of, he has not shared? What behaviours are you dealing with? Is he aware he is struggling?

WDx

[itmaybetime]

Thanks for responding!
I am not aware of anything that has happened to trigger his decline. I noticed it last summer when he would get infuriated if I didn't have sex the moment he so desired. Then I became the worst wife on the planet. He demonizes me when he doesn't get his way. Then the next day acts like nothing happened, when he had been telling me he'd leave me penniless when he kicks me out. We own all of our assets jointly, so... .
Then the next morning ask what was for dinner and then tell me I'm the best ever and he's so lucky to have me. (Splitting)
Now he has added immediate texts to his list of items that must be done or I'm the penniless devil again. Sometimes I am driving. Or attending to my business. Or simply giving our daughters the undivided attention they deserve.  When I don't text back within 2 minutes he accuses me of being mad at him. There couldn't possibly be any other reason! Nevermind that I'm in the middle of work. "Well, I text you while working, I ALWAYS make the time for you," he says. He wants all of my attention all of the time. That is not realistic.
During the time he was in what I will call "remission," I remained somewhat detached. He did SO much damage in years prior. I told him during those rough times that I was NOT a yo-yo. And that one of these times when he yanks to get me closer again, the string will have broken and I'll be gone. I may still be here physically, but I am broken inside, and have so much resentment towards him. He knew that the entire time he was OK, and now, several years later, his behaviors have ramped up again. There are other things he has done recently. He overreacts almost daily over every perceived slight. It is exhausting.

[wendydarling]

Hi 

I'm sorry, it is exhausting dealing with the behaviours, are you taking time out for you, self care, it's important we do so. I find practising mindfulness helps.

My 28DD is a quiet borderline, she is just completing 12 months DBT, what I have learnt is to practise the skills and lessons daily to stay in recovery, daily management of going forwards, yes I/we know there will be bumps and she'll have to work even harder to get back to baseline.

Your DH responded well to therapy 4 years ago? So he knows the score? How long, what kind?

Have you used the tools to the right of your screen that help us communicate better with our pwBPD?
Here is a link - S.E.T (support, empathy, truth statement) may help you. 
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=69272.0

WDx

[Langdale]

Hello it maybe time
This must be a very difficult time
Make sure you get time for yourself,take time out so you can take a step back and look at the situation. Might not be easy with kids and a job.
Take care of yourself

Langdale