BPD husband snaps and becomes aggressive towards our toddler

[Maximum121]

My husband just called me at work, to tell me he got frustrated when trying to dress our 2 yr old daughter and yanked on the collar of her pajama top so hard it ripped, and stretched out so much it's ruined... .when he was telling me this, our daughter got on the phone and said, "daddy's mean!" And "daddy's bad!" I am so heart broken and at a loss of what to do.

He has done something similar a few months ago. When getting her undressed to get into the bath she started throwing a tantrum because she didn't want to take off her princess dress. She's a toddler and loves baths but doesn't want anything to happen to her princess dresses. Normal toddler stuff. Well, My husband yanked her dress up so hard that it left a red mark, that turned into a bruise, under her chin because the dress became stuck and he was yanking  it so hard.

He is a good man and I have tried to support him the best I can, but I will not risk my child's safety! I just don't know what to do. Do I pack up and leave or stay and try to work through it. She is only 2 and one moment of anger could seriously harm her. He is going to counseling and has been taking a CBT class since February, that he attends every week for two hours. He brings home homework that he is very diligent in completing. It seems like none of it is working though. He is trying to get disability right now. We are currently appealing it because he was turned down the first time. He walked out of his job late last year and took two bottles of medication in a suicide attempt. He has been hospitalized twice in the past 6 months because of his BPD and being suicidal. I was a stay at home mom until he left his job. I went back to work so that leaves him to care for our daughter. I work 2 days a week doing 24 hour shifts so I can be at home 5 days. The first incident happened when I was home though... .I was taking my daughter to my mother's house when I was at work so my mom could watch her but then my husband became resentful of this. Saying I didn't trust him with our daughter, etc. After a while he did seem to be more in control and I relented and left her home with him.

I just don't know what to do? He is a great person but how can I possibly risk our daughters safety by leaving her with him? He is usually very good with her but it only takes once to seriously harm her! I'm at a loss. Do I make sure he is never alone with her, since the first time happened when I was home? Do I take her to my mom's? Do I pack us up and leave? Do I assume all parental responsibility and still stay with him.

I just don't know... .any advice and insight is appreciated. Has anyone been through similar?

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[Tattered Heart]

Hi,

Welcome to the boards . The safety of children is often a sticking point for many of this board. Ultimately the final decision is in your court. YOu said your H is usually good with her except in those moments when he gets frustrated. Could this be something that he discusses with his counselor? ALthough it might be hard financially, would having someone else home to help with your daughter when you are unavailable be a possibility?