When will I ever learn that he is NOT NORMAL?

[Delight]

22 years of marriage... .too many silent treatments from him, too many "I'm done with you", too many "you're not a good partner, wife, mother, lover, ... .fill in the blank". Too many times that I've apologized when I'm not wrong, then re-apologized because I didn't show the right amount of humility. Too many times when I've had to bite my tongue or stuff my feelings down, because it just wasn't worth the blow-up. Too many swings from him never wanting to be without me... .to "Just about anyone could take your place and be APPRECIATIVE of all I do for you!" I'm sick and tired of being told that I have no value or that he will threaten to end the marriage over the smallest slight or argument. I'm ever so tired of saying... ."what the hell just happened? We were fine a few minutes ago."

I know I deserve better, I know that I'm not useless and I hope I can finally find some peace. 22 years is enough. It's tough right now because I need to find full-time work and get my own benefits. Living with him and our two college-age kids now. I need to find good work, my nerve and my dignity. Please send positive thoughts!  Thanks for letting me vent!

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Delight, Welcome!  What makes you suspect that your H has BPD?  How did you find out about BPD?  Fill us in a little when you can.  I'm sorry to hear about what you are going through.  Many of us have been down this path before you, so you are not alone.  Let us know if you have any particular questions.

LuckyJim

[Tattered Heart]

Hi Delight,

Welcome to the boards! I'm sorry that you are feeling so frustrated and hurt right now. Living with someone with BPD can really take a toll. You've found a great safe place to share with people who have been through or are going through similar scenarios. We have a lot of tools on the right side of the page that may begin to help you find some hope in your relationship. Sometimes just changing the way we respond to our pwBPD can make a difference in how they respond to us. I would suggest the workshops as a great starting place.

Here's a link to one of our first workshops on our role in our relationship.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56206.msg913188#msg913188

Looking forward to hearing more from you.