Dilema

[Grissum69]

Hi everyone,

I'm back and sadly not in a good way.   I don't know how to describe it but I'm pretty sure I'm in love with someone who has BPD.  I've known her for a little over a year now, been on 3 dates with her and have been rejected twice.   We have had talks and she is the one that told me that she has BPD.  She told me how surprised she was how I have stuck around when others haven't, L doesn't understand why.  L has told her parents about me, we enjoy each company when we go out.  L has told me almost everything about her diagnosis and that she was seeking therapy for a while but couldn't afford it so she couldn't go anymore.   

Our last date we were supposed to be a couple, i managed to ask her to be with me.  L warned me that she was going to push me away in the next few days... .  and sure enough the next day I received a text.  "I need to be alone, I can't be in relationship with you"    L has told me she joins single dating sites because she is bored, get treated like ___ all of the time, I was the exception and she didn't understand it.  I sent her Flowers after our second date, she floored and very happy about it.  L says no one has ever given her flowers. I offered to pay for her therapy until she gets back on her feet. Told her I am there for her no matter what.  I could see a future with her...   is that crazy or what?

A few weeks ago I got a text from L and she said she wasn't feeling well and was thinking of suicide, I did't go over to her place but I should have. I wasn't sure what to do...      I haven't heard from her in a week now but I think of her all of the time.  I have walked this journey with mixed emotion from day one, I almost knew something was up but couldn't put my finger on it.  i have fallen for her now and I'm not sure if I should go see a T or not.  I have experienced a relationship with someone before a few years back and it wasn't pretty.  I lost myself and was at whits end...   It bothers me a lot that I myself am going 1 thousand miles a minute inside...   I want to reach out and communicate with her...   she isn't stupid and knows I understand what condition she has.  L says she wants to get help and get better. 

I'm asking for advice here please...    



 

[Emotions]

What would you like to hear? If you want heartache and pain pursue her... .if you can find a way to let go of your feelings you might avoid some chaotic emotions... .I recommend if your not in too deep yet turn back around and find a more secure person... .if your already In too deep, I understand and I've been there, and I wish you the best of luck... .keep talking and thinking you'll get to where you need to be

[Gemsforeyes]

Dear Gris-

I'm sorry you're feeling this pain again.  My friend, I had a bit of time tonight and just went back and read through your entire history.  Very sad and it looks as if you were barely through your last relationship before you took up with this BPD woman.

I really need to ask you a few tough questions, and please know, I am NOT trying to hurt you.  I ask you these things with a compassionate heart.

First, although you state you've known this woman for a little over a year, you've only been on three (3) dates with her.  Three dates.  Truthfully, do you really believe that is enough time for you to fall in love with someone?  Especially when you state that this woman has "rejected" you two of the three times you spent with her?

Second.  No matter how hard you tried, you could not "fix" your prior wife.  You were discarded and recycled numerous times.  She cheated numerous times.  You spoke to the family of the guy she was going to marry and then you married her yourself.  Then you divorced her.  She tore your soul out.  You have read books to better understand BPD and done therapy to help you heal.  You nearly fully recovered... .that is until she made contact the next time.  Most of us understand they never truly let us go.  It's up to US to keep the strength to keep them AWAY.  At ALL costs.  So Gris... .I ask you, with care in my heart, are you talking yourself INTO this because you think THIS TIME you can SAVE this girl?

PLEASE... .consider these questions deeply.  How would you really like your life to look?  Do you really WANT to re-enter a life filled with chaos, lies and heartbreak?

Maybe go back and re-read all the posts you've written on here since 2013-2014.  It's time to be your own best friend. 

Warmly,
Gemsforeyes