first time on this site

[Betteann]

Hi
My son is going through child support and custody issues right now.

He has four children with a woman with BPD.

I have not been with my grandchildren since he left the household approximately 3 years ago.

She is living in the house which he owns and he has paid the mortgage and all the house bills and gives her money each month beyond the house expenses.

He gets to see the children once a week on Sunday and/or takes care of them when she needs his help but she takes all control and makes all decisions for the children etc.

 The child support and custody is now pending after she called child support services and attempted to get more money.
Finally he hired a lawyer and we are now going through a formal process.

It has been a nightmare to say the least.

I am praying that this process will lead both my son and I to have a chance to actually be able to be a family with these children.

Any advice out there?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[flourdust]

Hi, Betteann, and welcome! I'm sorry to hear about what's going on with your son and your grandchildren.

What sort of advice are you looking for - legal advice? Advice for yourself on the relationship with your daughter-in-law? Let us know a little bit more about what problems you are facing right now.

[Panda39]

Hi Betteann,
I want to join flourdust and welcome you to the BPD Family.

You’ve posted in the “Child with BPD Board” but it sounds from your post that your daughter-in-law is the person in your life with BPD not your son.  If that is correct you might want to post over on the “Coping  and Healing from a BPD Parent, Sibling, or Inlaw” Board, below is a link…

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=7.0

We also have a board for “Family Law, Divorce and Custody” that you might find helpful in terms of support, ideas, and strategies regarding your son’s divorce.  Many of our members have been there and can share their experiences.
 
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=10.0

I know like me that you will find the members here full of ideas, support, tools and a listening ear. Everyone "gets it" we all have someone with BPD in our lives. Please let us know how we can support you further.  What is your biggest concern?  Maybe we can start there.

Panda39