Everyday it's a new adjustment

[Idsrvt2]

Just when I was posting he seemed to be intentionally avoiding driving past my house... .today as I was outside saying goodbye to a friend that was visiting me ... who do I hear coming from the opposite direction ... his vehicle... .I could not even believe it, of all darn days there I was probably a foot from him... .my friend now the situation and warned me, but I already could hear it... .and the kicker is he could have avoided driving past as it was not necessary
I'm sure he saw us outside earlier too... .my x is very observant ... know everything about everyone. 

I'm glad I have stayed in observation mode, I'm glad I'm going about my life and not worrying where he is... but this stuff literally is not avoidable, so I must adjust and just come here to post to let it all out.  I keep reminding myself it's only been one week since the RO was lifted ... it's a lot of will power to see your x at your house etc and say nothing.

Last nite I was feeling very down and ironically the guy I had been dating stopped by my house... .normally I would have started saying it's another red flag as he stopped over unannounced... instead I just let him know that while it's kinda nice to see him, giving me a heads up would be better... and st the same time I took him up on an offer to grab a bite to eat and I felt better while out with him... just getting my mind off the x for awhile ... I can't latch onto this guy as he's just looking for a casual thing right now and I'm not open to that long term anyway ... .and I actually held tight to my boundaries and ended the night as he can be a bit of a boundary pusher.   I had all but written him off after the last date was a failure and I ended up feeling like I was missing the x after this guy left ... and thought of contacting my x even... .   so I wasn't even thinking he would ever just show up, so I didn't have a game plan. 
last nite he was nice and somewhat respectful ... he claims because he's less stressed . 

For the 1.5 months we dated though, I all but forgot about my x... .  but I have a lot to work on within myself And that's what I'm going to continue to do. I need to work through this stuff by myself without any other heavy relationships right now that I may use as a distraction.   Or relationships with guys that have red flags and push boundaries ... .
I'm planning a few days away down the shore soon... and I hope to use that time to regroup and get away from the ghost of my x that walks the streets

[Harley Quinn]

How did you leave things with the new guy?  I'm thinking this is a perfect opportunity to practise setting those boundaries.  (Am looking for those chances myself everywhere now!)  Did you explain that you're not looking to continue dating before he turned up?

Love and light x

[Idsrvt2]

No,  basically sent him a text about two weeks ago  saying I was hanging out with people that were the real deal... I assumed he got the sarcasm... so no, I didn't come out and say I was not looking to date. 
I didn't expect he would just show up... .this might be an assumption, but I'm wondering if his phone was shut off as he didn't bring it out the whole nite either... he's never just stopped by... .  regardless it was good timing and I hate to say that because I'm really trying to just handle all this myself
My councilor and I already determined this new guy is overly critical, and has instability in his life ... he was ok when we went out a few days ago though.  And the chemistry is really good with him... .he's not looking for a relationship

This whole x thing and seeing him is really taking its toll... today I was out getting groceries just to get away from here and who do I see, but the guy who works the xs days off... .I used to have a good rapport with him and we would make small talk... he's a nice guy that has a family, kids etc ... .I hid myself away for four months , feeling ashamed of the RO ...   today I stayed in my car until he passed... .  why I now feel like I have to still hide I dunno... .this guy during the four months would just look at me in passing. I guess I also didn't want to deal with him ignoring me which would be proof my x painted me as a crazy person.   he also once told me my x takes things very personal that aren't meant as such... says their boss yells at him when the boss doesn't.    My x also is in his usual not have a day off routine, so I see him no six days a week... .
it was easier with the RO in place as he was forced NC... .  now he does as he wishes and it's very unpredictable and I hate that.   I hope this gets easier ... I'm def feeling the triggers again... I'm doing self care and all I can do... .but tough when you have an x around your house six days a week

How did you leave things with the new guy?  I'm thinking this is a perfect opportunity to practise setting those boundaries.  (Am looking for those chances myself everywhere now!)  Did you explain that you're not looking to continue dating before he turned up?

Love and light x