Hi,
I am married to my husband of 25 yrs. we have raised 3 wonderful daughters, the youngest is almost an adult. These 25 yrs have been a huge struggle. Now that my girls are just about raised Inam in the process of college and looking forward to future career goals. I have to work through a lot of social anxiety that I believe comes from both my childhood and the last 25 yrs of stress and negativity.
My hubby is nice one minute, explosive and hurtful the next. When I married him I had no idea he was diagnosed as a child as a sociopath with narsassistic tendencies. We are Christian and when we met in Bible school he was so 100% about Jesus and ministry. We both came from abusive backgrounds. I thought he had worked through that. I thought I had, as well, but apparently not since I ended up with someone just like my father. Why did I stay in this marriage? Well, we separated in 2006 and it was determined that he would get visitation with my 3 girls. When I saw them driving away staring out the back of his jeep, bawling their eyes out, I realized I could get out, but they couldn't. I reconciled with him so I could be with them. When we are together he leaves them up to me. Not that he isn't verbally hurtful to us all. I know that my girls will have to work through a lot. But I can't even imagine how much worse it would have been if they had to be alone with him. We had a 1 yr seperation about 5 yrs ago where he was in another state and only came to visit a couple of times. That was a really good year. But he came back.
So here we are now. Our girl is in college and the day is coming when I don't have to be here to protect them. Do I move on, do I stay and help him (he is willing to go to a psychiatrist/psychologists now... .funny how that works). I'm trying to get through college. I have 2-3 yrs for my bachelors. Not sure if I can work and go to school very successfully. But maybe I could. I don't have a lot of self esteem left in me. I'm working on that. If it weren't for the constant fighting... .the eggshells are very fragile these days.
Anyway, that is the situation in a nutshell. In the words of The Clash... "should I stay or should I go now... .?"
looking forward to hearing from others and seeing how the stories compare. Oh and he was diagnosed about 6 yrs ago with bipolar, but I really think that he is BPD. When I saw the traits I was like "wow! That is my husband! That is the world I live in!"
Thanks for "listening"!
