Finally ended up hospitalised over BPD ex

[stuck118]

Hi all,

I have posted my story on here in a couple of previous posts and I made the mistake of staying open to contact with my BPD ex even when it has caused me to be suicidal and in the last few days I found out the girl had also been having sex  with someone else when she had denied it over and over to my face with ease. This had been the 6th or 7th relapse of contact and unfortunately the straw that broke the camels back.

I found myself alone late at night 3 days ago on the brink of taking an overdose and having to ring for emergency help.  I have been referred to a psychiatrist and given medication.

I am writing all this as a warning to anybody who is earlier in the process of detachment than me. You need to realise the truth, your BPD ex is ill and it WILL make you ill  too, he/she  does not want anything other than attention from you and absolutely will not be a stable partner for life.  I didn't believe it myself but unfortunately it is true.

These people are rare and the mistake you make is misjudging that rareness for the feeling that they are special and someone to be with.

The ONLY way forward is to utterly remove them from your life forever

[GlennT]

   Praise the Powers that be for saving your life dear fellow sufferer and member. There for the Grace of God go you. Please call for help Asap, or write on this board when feeling that depressed again. It is so normal and human to cry and ruminate over them for awhile. We all have had lovely memories, along with the nightmares. I cannot stress enough how important No Contact is for you at this time. This means no peeking on her social media, no accepting calls, or texts, or visits. This will be very hard, but is the Only way to help you move forward in your life, to be a much better person, and to meet a much better person, in a new and better love relationship waiting for you in your future.

[Harley Quinn]

Hi stuck118,

It's such a relief to hear that you reached out for help when you needed it, and that you are receiving ongoing support as a result.  Do let us know how things are going.  Are you also speaking to friends and/or family about how you have been feeling?  At times like this, getting as much support around you as possible can ease some of the emotions and help you to prevent getting back to that place again. 

How do you find the medication so far?  I know it can take a while to build up in your system to a therapeutic level.  Bear in mind that there are always alternatives to try out so if the one you've been given does not prove to be right for you in any way it's important to speak out and get it reviewed.  In my case I'm sticking with the third SSRI we tried as it is better for me than the others we attempted.

Keep posting.  We're listening.

Love and light x 

[stuck118]

Thank you both for posting with such support I really appreciate it and especially at this time of night I've been extremely lonely and contemplating things and so this forum is a great support. I've only been taking sertraline for the past 4 days so it's early days so far, I've been keen to finally set up councillors and the hospital interviewed me with something called a RAID team here in uk hospitals,  who assessed my risk and have organised a follow up appointment and referal to a psychiatrist which I am very keen to do now. I want to unload all this depression now and understand why I was attracted to this destructive influence and finally confront my depression and also a long standing sort of body dismorphia I have held about myself too.

I really have always been such a closed book but now asking for help, which is tough to do from a pride point of view, is for me the real start of the healing process. I have been provided with phone numbers to call support workers 24 hours a day, my best friend came round and took away a stockpile of pills I had and I will be having weekly doctors appointments to monitor my medication.

This site is also a great support and so to anyone reading and suffering or anyone offering their story and advice I would like to hear and offer my unconditional support any time every time,  solidarity in numbers helps you to know you're not fighting this alone