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[Cnfsd1]

I've been in a relationship with a man with BPD for 5 years now and it has taken me just as long to realize that everything he is saying isn't true. When it is good with him, it is great, but when it isn't, it's hard. My reactions to the constant battles have gotten bigger and I've had 2 pretty big blow ups. I want to find to tools to help me learn how to communicate better with him, understand him more, and help remind myself that no I am not untrustworthy, that yes I do deserve respect, that no I do not deserve to feel deflated, unworthy, devalued, hurt, misunderstood, etc... .over the course of the relationship, so many things have been said that have made to start to believe these things and think that maybe they are true. That maybe I really am the problem. The only problem in this relationship. I love him dearly and I do believe he should be loved as well and not tossed aside. I want to do what I can do in this relationship to help things and try to bring myself back to a happy place with him.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Tattered Heart]

Weclome Cnsfsd1 ,

You have found a great place for support and advice on how to handle those difficult siutations that come with being in a relationship with someone with BPD. And sounds like you are in a great place to begin learning. We have a saying around here:

"You can't start making things better until you stop making them worse."

Here's the thing. You aren't the problem. Both of you have patterns of behavior that you use in response to each other and those behavior patterns can cause tension to build, can trigger a sense of rejection in your pwBPD, and aren't healthy for you. It's also important to remember that you cannot change him. No matter what you do, you can't love him enough, you can't fix him enough. He has to fix himself. You can only fix what's going on with you. And on this site, we have ALOT of workshops to help you work on you.

We have lessons on the right side of the page that can help you get started. We also have a workshop board with new communication skills that can help you. To start you off though, here is a link to one of our lessons on Understanding your role in the relationship:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56206.msg913188#msg913188