The blame game and threats

[Mavrik]

My BPDgf ended the relationship in march this year, she had a major BPD anger episode And lost her job for verbally attacking 2 managers. And then turning on me to release the rest of her anger.

I have her a wide berth but from time to time she'd message me nice messages then turn nasty if we ever met up for a coffee.

I got over her and her friends and also her mother would contact me about her and that she says she's missing me and thinks about me every day. The main issue here is they contacted me.

So I got back with my previous partner who isn't BPD and all going well.

Yesterday I got an email from her telling me never to contact her friends or family again or she will tell my new partner about our relationship and that I had an affair behind my partners back.

Why does she continue to be nasty, why drag my new partner Into it, and the friends she refers to were mutual friends of both of us so obviously her name comes up in conversations, and her mum contacted me I didn't contact her mum.

When I reply to her message to tell her this I'm sure she deletes the messages without reading them. And sits and wallows in things then will attack me again verbally and make threats to tell my new partner things.

It's like living in a world where it's all quiet and then this scary ghost appears from time to time and you don't know when it will be but you know it will happen.,

Does this ever end or can I expect this to go on

And the stupid element is that she's always telling our mutual friends to
Tell me she's missing me lots and that she thinks about me every day?

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[north69]

If you can be happy in the new relationship, with your non BPD ex then I'd go for that.

You'd sure have a much easier existence than the rest of us and might be able to have a normal relationship dynamic.

Just my personal opinion but it sounds like your pain will be diminished from the breakup with the BPD gf given that you've got your ex and can start that up again.

Of course your BPDgf will hate it, I'd just go NC if you've got no joint commitments, or LC otherwise.

Enjoy your life, forget about all this BPD garbage and just thank your lucky stars that your current girlfriend doesn't have it

[once removed]

Yesterday I got an email from her telling me never to contact her friends or family again or she will tell my new partner about our relationship and that I had an affair behind my partners back.

... .

When I reply to her message to tell her this

id avoid getting drawn into trying to argue with her about this, it may just reinforce her beliefs, or it may fuel her actions. id say "okay", "understood", or not reply.

ask your friends politely not to relay these messages from her. say nothing about her, or her mom, or anyone else involved.

right now shes getting a reaction all around. i dont think "NC" is necessarily the answer. i think the idea is to make yourself not a target. if you are going to have communication with her (it may be best that you dont), keep emotion or rehashing of the relationship out of it completely.

[Mavrik]

Thanks everyone

It's so annoying as she Would set the NC and I wouldn't dare break it as I'd face her wrath. Yet she would break NC herself, have a go at me then disappear into the night, only to do it again

She always thought herself more liked and popular than others, but this was a dream world she was in as no one wanted to know her, she'd spend time with people much younger than her doing what they did, clubbing, drinking to excess, casual sex in the hope someone would love her, they didn't.

So when it all starts to fall apart in her life she reaches out and gets at me. She always said we'd be friends whatever happened and I was the best thing that ever happened to her (which we've all heard), yet it's all a lie and she has goes at me for being a lier.

I'm changing jobs in the next few weeks so won't see our mutual friends much again so that will help. But her mum contacting me then telling my ex that I contacted her mum... .strange!

This gave me time to reflect and revisit the relationship, she was always angry, controlling, manipulative, demeaning, racist, and bad at intimacy. Compared to who I'm with now.

What did I ever see in her.

The nice side to me feels sorry for her as all her friends and colleagues have moved on so far in life, married, long term relationships, kids, houses, relaxed social life, time away as couples or as a family, and sadly she's trying to achieve this destroying everything as she goes, and not coming anywhere near to it.

Maybe it's just the type of friends she has, but I saw in her the blame Ganesh in that all the crazy things that occur it's everyone else's fault and never hers, when it was all her fault. And her friends only see her side and won't ever consider that there are 2 sides to every story

Anyways me and my new partner are happy, that's the main thing and I just hope it all dies down from my BPD ex

But I know she's out there and she's angry

I do wish her every happiness and hope one day she finds what she's looking for... .but I doubt it.