Hello everyone

[North]

Hi,
I am from Scandinavia and my beloved fiancé suffers from BPD. Our relationship is great but I do see unhealthy behavior in my partner that I wish to help with and react to in the best possible way. As we have a child who is now 7 months old, I feel I must react more directly as to not allow unhealthy behavior in front of our daughter so that she does not inherit the behavior or find it normal.
I hope this community can help educate me in how to get the best out of the rest of all our lives

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[takingandsending]

Hey, North. 

Welcome to bpdfamily. So it sounds as if your fiance is diagnosed with BPD? Is your partner in active treatment such as DBT?

There are definitely things that you can do to support your partner and daughter, particularly if she is working on herself. The Lessons to the right of this page contain truly valuable information on communication and establishing clear, consistent boundaries that can help you and your partner navigate your relationship.

And the members on this board will definitely help with ideas and refinement of how you can improve your role in the relationship. Regarding your young daughter, I think that any child is going to witness unhealthy relations between parents at given times. But, your daughter does need protection from significant emotional dysregulations, and she needs a safe, reliable attachment to her parents. Can you describe a bit more the types of things you are seeing that concern you. I am sure that other members will be along to welcome you aboard.

[North]

Hi, and thanks for the warm welcome.
I have yet to become accostumed to the system and make visits a personal habit, but that is at least the goal.
You ask about which situations I fear for my daughters upbringing in, and that would primarily af in situations of conflict. When my fiancé is caught of guard she can respond very carelessly. She can become very angry if I disagree with her on something, no matter the gravity of the matter, and the response usually escalates at a rate where she, whithin the breath tells me that she thinks I am wrong, that I am annoying because I an always wrong, mention a number of other situations from the last couple of days that she has decided to also disagree with, then proceed to tell me that I should not disagree with her because I should know that disagreeing makes her sad, them stand up and in either to bed or leave the house.
Any physical or verbal approaches during there episodes are met with anger and discarded immediately and only by supporting her, apologizing and further indulging, can I revert the situation to one where the rest of the day can still be saved.
While I am not to proud to go against my beliefs to accomodate someone I love or apologize for someting that was not wrong, I do see both sides as something very far from the role models I feel that we as parents ought to be, and either behavioral pattern (getting angry beause someone disagrees or apologizing without any reason beyond pleasing someone who is acting out of line ), seems like behavior I don't want to teach my child.
These situations happen perhaps once every other week and almost never in front of the child, but nevertheless, it does concern me.