Need advice on how to handle lying and stealing and insight.

[Bonjour]

I have an 11 year old Trans daughter who has been diagnosed with cyclothimia... .a while ago and pre bipolar several years ago.  She frequently lies and steals money.  She is the queen of pushing the limits and testing.  Highly manipulative.  We have marked the bills so we can call her on it.  When you catch her red handed, she still lies and wont own it.  I would love some advice on strategies.  I would also love some insight into what might be going through her head... .how this feels on t he inside.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[atmywitsendtoo]

Hello there,

I have a daughter who is 27 years old and is about to have a baby whose father she now detests. My daughter is still lying and may still be stealing as well.

We had all kinds of problems with her from a very young age. I do not know what goes through her head to be able to rationalize enough to behave this way. I think crucial parts of her personality just never developed such as the capacity for empathy or the capacity to predict the negative consequences of her behavior, or the ability to learn from mistakes.

She was picked up for shoplifting some fake eyelashes when she was 14 even though she had $20.00 on her so she could have purchased them.

My daughter has always been very secretive and she would flip out if we ever went into her room. A few years ago she moved to the east coast for a period of time to get away from thieving druggies she was hanging out with. When she left we went into her room only to find it to be somewhat of a warehouse of stolen goods. There were drawers full unopened and unused makeup and DVDs. I have no idea why she stole these things. Apparently being thrown in jail for shoplifting did not deter her from continuing this behavior.

I think she is now running some kind of woe is me scam to get free things from people for her and the baby who arrives in September so she can then use or sell them. She is active on Facebook but she stopped using the account with her family and friends on it so I believe she can solicit donations with untruthful sob stories about her poor pregnant self and her awful ex-boyfriend and her awful parents. People show up at our door with bags and boxes of baby stuff for her. She also comes home with all sorts of new baby stuff she claims people gave to her or she won in a contest. One of her therapists said she would give my daughter a car-seat that her children have outgrown. My daughter keeps going to therapy waiting for that car-seat to appear, but the therapist keeps forgetting to bring it. My husband said "you already have two car seats, why do you need another one" and our daughter said "to sell it".

I am very afraid of what kind of mother my daughter will be. I am afraid for the baby and all the drama that will come because she does not want to allow the father of the baby much access to their child. She has been telling such big lies recently about how awful I am that that my husband and I are barely speaking to her so I have no idea if she will try to keep us from the baby as well.

I have a friend who has a male to female trans child who is now in their 20s. Her child is very troubled aside from all the trans issues. My friend said the only thing that ever really helped her child is Dialectic Behavior Therapy which is what I am hoping my daughter will start. She said that her child is OK if she continues that therapy, but if she blows it off she regresses to previous bad behaviors.

I am sorry that I do not have much helpful information for you. I am just another mom struggling with the same issues.

Wishing you and your child the best!