Hi folks, I can relate to the isolation as well. I have always been pretty private about my relationships, my entire life. I don't like to tell anyone in my family about the stuff I deal with, just keep up a privacy shield. But now I am totally isolated from them on this stuff. Thing is, they would probably help, if they could. But I just really prefer my privacy, always have. I think I feel safer in some way and I don't want them to worry or have to deal with an ongoing drama or to make my problem any bigger by bringing more people into it. Sigh. But the price is very high! I have learned that you have to be careful talking with friends too. They all tell you to run for your life and then that is all they focus on about you whenever you talk. It shocks people. They don't understand. Again, more isolation. Here at least you can share peer to peer. We all struggle with these issues to one degree or another. I am glad for at least having this in my life. I feel more understanding here than I've ever felt before with such issues.
Is your partner preventing you from disclosing these issues to your family and friends? Or is this your own choice? Or both? Or you just haven't found the right words yet? Is it possible for you to introduce them to the idea of emotional dysregulation? That might sound a little more neutral and less scary for folks who know nothing about this stuff and who would tell you to run for your life. I know it is hard. You want them to understand that you are dealing with something complex, that this is a person you love, but who has a serious health issue that is hard to see or understand.
One thing I used to explain to my partner is that I found a nice website that gives me helpful information about this illness. (He was/is paranoid and weird about it.) But anyway one thing I said to help make he worry less, I think, about looking on here is I told him that what is great about this site is that they have a policy of no one being allowed to tell others to run. I think that makes him see that I am just seeking information, not trying to run away from him. He fears that.
But for you, you might introduce this concept into your offline contacts. I mean, tell folks you believe your partner has emotional dysregulation and you have been learning about this illness (or simply "issue". You can say one of the best things about this site is (hint hint) they have a policy of not telling others to run away from the relationship, especially for those (like you) who are looking for ways to improve the relationship. You can tell people that yes, she seems difficult and you understand why they might see things the way they do, but that you have compassion and love for your partner and you want to understand her illness and work with it. You do this as a conscious choice because you see illness as illness, and you hope your efforts can make a difference. It is hard, but you might have luck setting this boundary with them - that they listen, but not encourage you to leave her while you are focusing on improving things. I dunno. That's all I got!
I think just putting this information into basic terms for folks might help. Think of it as getting them on your support team, and you need your support team to have good working information. Maybe there are even links or things you can print out to show them? This is it not something a person can simply "get over" or "not feel" you might want to emphasize. Compare it to diabetes or other illnesses that one can try to manage, but will always have.
What agreements do you have that make others say you are being controlled if I may ask? Do you have certain things set up between the two of you to make life more manageable that you've learned work for you two?
Wishing you the best!
