Life event triggers and NPD/BPD

[AskingWhy]

My husband of almost twenty years is in the devaluing and discard stage.

The divorce threats come almost weekly now.

In knowing FIL uNPD, I see why and how my husband reacts to me.

Elderly MIL died recently and uNPD/BPD husband is having a hard time coping.  His splitting is increasing in frequencies since she died.   I suspect she was the supportive person in the life of H and losing her left a huge gaping hole in the psyche of H.

Has anyone else experienced the escalation of NPD/BPD symptoms with the death of a parent?

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[JoeBPD81]

Hi there,

I'm sorry you are experiencing this, sounds really hard.

I haven't lived a loss for my SO, but I sure have read a lot of post about it. For many people problems only start after a loss of a parent for the pwBPD.

When I met my GF she was married, and her H was much older, he gave her a home, and he was father figure, so that loss (divorce with report for abuses) afected her a lot. Suposedly, she had been 10 years very stable prior to that.

A couple of nights ago she said good night to the kids, and right after I mimicked  her and told her "good night, daughter" (makes sense in my language), she had an instant reaction, she was happy. She told me "why do you say that?" with a big smile, and stayed chatting with me for a while, in a very good mood. Parents are a very powerful force in their emotions.

What I've seen is that they need a lot of time to process and to get past things. You get surprised at how a thing from very far in the past is very much alive in their memory and feelings. 

I've seen your introduction post, and what you don't mention is how's your motivation with all this. Do you know what you want? Are you taking care of yourself?

I hope you are, and I hope some one can ad information about losing a parent for the person with BPD.