my adult daughter

[Sad Mamma]

My daughter is suffering with severe anxiety and panic attacks.  She is 44 years old and has learning disabilities as well as Asperger Syndrome. During this recent "crisis" it has been suggested that she may have Borderline Personality.   I have been researching the topic, and what I read describes her almost perfectly. 
I am heartbroken and frustrated and feeling very helpless.
I am widowed and really have no one who can share this with me.  Not many people really get it.
It is so hard to draw and hold firm boundaries.  I do set boundaries, but then my daughter refuses to speak to me.  As long as I agree with everything she says and wants, I'm the best.  As soon as I disagree, even in a very compassionate way, she's done with me.  I am so sad and worried about her.
I think talking with others experiencing similar circumstances would be helpful.  What I have read so far does not sound promising.  She has been in therapy since she was 12 years old.  Now, she is getting more and more difficult.  So how has the therapy helped her?
Thank you

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hi Sad Mamma

Welcome to bpdfamily   I'm sorry what brings you here, parents here are in similar situations, you are not alone. I’m glad you found us, as you say it helps to talk with people who understand what you are going through and can support you.  It is heart breaking as you say,  what I have learnt is educating myself about BPD and using the skills (they do take practice) to change the way I communicate helps my DD (dear daughter) I’m doing my best.

At the top of the parent’s board there is a thread called Lessons: what can a parent do?, is a good place to start if you've not read that yet and the tools and lessons to the right.

What kinds of treatment, therapy has your DD received? DBT is one recommended, my DD has completed 12 months and she’s is in a much better place for managing her BPD going forwards.

Has her therapist suggested your DD may have BPD? Receiving a diagnosis can help target the right treatment for your DD and how to manage anxiety and panic attacks. Does your DD live at home with you?

Take care

WDx