How do I live like this forever

[BPD-Partner]

Hi,
I am living with my partner who has been diagnosed with BPD for over a year now. He hid his condition from me when we first started our relationship, and to be honest I dont blame him. Our relationship started out strong and we became pregnant very unexpectedly. This is when things started to turn bad. My pregnancy with him definitely wasnt easy but now almost 3 years later we have a beautiful little girl. She is probably the only good thing that has came from either of us these past 4 years. We have good days and we have bad but the bad always outweigh any good.
Since giving birth I was forced back into work because with his condition he cant hold down a job, I resent him for this and many other things but im finding it the most difficult now.
Im starting to struggle with never being a priority and all our focus and time needs to be around keeping him happy. I am being left behind and im changing because of this. Tbh I think I may have developed depression from living alongside his mental illness.
I do love him and on the good days he gives me that flicker of hope that things will be ok but the next day its completely different.

Im looking for support, to have someone who knows what I am going through and understands that leaving isnt that simple. I just dont know where else to turn. Im at a loss because I dont want to be selfish but I dont know if I can go on living this crazy life. I just want to be happy and to feel loved.
Does it get better? Hes on a thousand tablets but now his psyc thinks catching up every 6 months is enough and its not, because our lives are still the exact same, he just sleeps better at night.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Meili]

Let me welcome you here to the bpdfamily, and wish for you as much help and support as I have received.  It's clear you have a lot in common with many of us here, and this is a community where we help each other, so I'm sure if you keep posting and reading you will find it helpful. Mostly we are here because someone in our lives has behaviors that are characteristic of BPD.  They haven't all been diagnosed with BPD, but it's the behaviors, and how we deal with them, that are important.

I think that almost all, if not all of us, understand that "just leaving" is not simple at all. I didn't have children with the woman that brought me here, but the idea of leaving her and removing her from my life was something that I almost couldn't imagine. It certainly was nothing that I wanted to do.

Is he threatening to end the relationship?

Did something happen recently to bring you here?

There are communication skills that will minimize the behavior of someone with BPD and these have proven successful for some of the members here. I suggest you read the boards and the articles.  You will get a wealth of information, advice and support.

[Stillholdinghope]

I have a two year old son with my BPD husband and it so so hard. I kicked him out about 4 months ago due to his rages. I have to say that being without him is hard and being in an unhealthy relationship is hard. Both options suck and my son misses his father. But it got to a point where I had to do what is right for my son. I am trying to reestablish contact and help him get into DBT. But it is all so hard. I am here if you need an ear.

[GirlfriendInHell]

I cannot believe how well you hit the nail on the head. The way you are able to articulate what you are experiencing is amazing!  I always seem to struggle to find the words.

I am in exactly the same place as you minus the child. We have been together for 8 years and my life is a mirror image of what you just described.

I am still learning how to cope with these things day by day so I don't have any advice to give but I wanted you to know that you are not alone.

Anytime you need to vent,  I will listen because I know how hard it is to talk to someone who just doesn't understand.

[amusement park]

I too am in the same situation. We separate, then back together, push, pull, push, pull as it is described. We are currently separated again after 5 years of marriage. One day she is my soul mate, wanting to spend the rest of her life with me. Two days later she wants me out. Anger outbursts which I didn't handle well. I've been reading information on this sight and now feel confident that I am strong enough to make us work. I can set boundaries to protect myself. However, we have no communication right now. If she decides she wants me back in her life, my boundaries will kick in. Been saying a lot of prayers.
Good luck to you. Hang in there. If it's meant to be, you will find the strength to make things work!