Just starting out

[patience1415]

I recently learned my husband has BPD.  In a way it feels so good to have one name for it instead of a dozen.   
 On the other hand I feel like I am grieving a loss of having the kind of marriage I had envisioned.  We have been in a relationship for over 7 years and it has been utterly exhausting.  To see and experience the loving, funny, kind man one day and an angry, hurtful, judgmental one the next- I just couldn't comprehend how someone could be that cold.  How he could get so easily angered by our young children or if plans changed.  BPD, I believe, has also caused him to develop a sex addiction.  What I once thought was developed from a place of narcissism I can now maybe see has come from a place of self harm.  I do not want to give up on someone I love simply because it is not the easier path for me.  I wouldn't leave him if he had cancer... .he didn't choose this.  I can now feel empathy towards him and I can now see that maybe all the things he has done or said to hurt me was not intentional.  Does anyone else live with a spouse with BPD and is it a manageable relationship?  How do they manage destructive behavior?  How do you practice self care for yourself in the midst of living with this dynamic?   I know I am all over the place but I truly want to make good choices for everyone involved.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Lakebreeze]

Welcome to this board! I just figured out that my husband of 6years has BPD in April. Im really new at this too so I don't have a lot of advice to offer. But I can completely sympathize with how difficult it is to see our young children trigger a rage. I've just tried to get my hands on as much information as possible. Im very slowly trying to practice better communication techniques with him, not get sucked into his rages, not take things personally.this sight has great info on Communication.  I have a long journey ahead of me but at least there is a point to it. I have gone through a grieving process of sorts as well. One days I'm overjoyed to find out I'm not crazy and the next day I feel defeated and depressed because of it's not me I don't have a heck of a lot of control over it.  I'm personally struggling with self care as well. It's really hard with a high needs spouse plus kids. Prayer is my lifeline. Helps me calm down and resurface at my lowest points. I hope you find the help and encouragement you need. Welcome and best of luck!