Seeking input and guidance

[oranges_c6870]

This is my first experience in dealing with what I believe to be a BPD female. Like so many of the testimonials I've read, I see my experience throughout others posts.  This was a 3 month whirlwind relationship.  We are both around 40 years of age. Divorced. Later I was told of abandonment by her father at a young age. Rape in college, and a long term marriage ending with an affair on the husband's part.  Our relationship, as so many I have read started with sex on date one, and was as uninhibited as I've experienced.  Constant reaffirming love messages, etc etc. It was highly passionate and intense.  I will mention I fit the role of an empathy.  I literally bent over backwards with over the top romantic dates, financial assistance when she pulled at my heartstrings that she needed help. There's more, but that paints the general picture. She had been apart from her ex for just under 4 years.  There is a child involved with joint custody.  She and her family made it clear, I was the first man she allowed to get this close.  Spending time with her child, even trusted to babysit and hang out on days I was free and she worked.  I was immediately accepted into her entire immediate family.  Many many great times.  I was sure this was it... we just fit in every way.  I was referred to as the man who made her feel like a princess, and that she trusted me like no other.  She was talking destination weddings within 6 weeks.  About that time, the wild sex, just stopped.  She at times seemed cold, with what I would call an evil lookin the stare she gave me.  Out of the blue. Nothing traumatic had occurred.  Slowly over the next month, minor things would cause huge blow up on her part. I began to get accused of manipulating and controlling her, when my actions truthfully were the same as the beginning.  On the rare occasion I spoke up and defended myself, I saw a total split.  Anger.  Within a day it didn't appear that she could even remember the things she said. Literally everything was projected on me.  I withstood this trying to hang on and fix it, knowing I couldn't. Intimacy was dead at this point and when I reached out to be clise, I was accused of manipulation. After 3 months, thousands of dollars. A confused heart.  She abruptly called it quits, saying she can't do this. That's the just of the story.  Within 24 hours of her calling it quits she started texting me. It's been a week now, and even during the typing of this message, I received a good morning, hope you have a great day text.  Truly I've never been this confused.  Is this 10+time a day texting and even 2 phone calls to hurt me, or show that she is hurting. Does she do this to want to restore something?   Looking for feedback.  Thank you.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[slachers]

My husband has BPD and though it is slightly different in males and females in my experience she exhibits many of the same signs he does. The total split personality at times. The feeling that I was controlling or manipulating him when my actions had never changed. The total infatuation one minute only to be cold another. After many rounds of "breaking up" on his part and then an apology and a return, we are finally done.

I always felt like I should stay to help him, but only he can help himself. He has every resource to do so but chooses not to. I found no amount of love on my part was ever going to be enough.

If she has BPD, you will be saving yourself a ton of heartache and pain by walking away while it's still early. I stayed for three years and we had built a life together only for him to tear it apart in one day with no explaination. This time I will not accept an apology - not that it will ever come. I have finally decided taking care of me is more important. Good luck to you!

[RandomName]

It feels like I wrote this somehow, it's so familiar. I'm sorry that I don't have any advice as I am in nearly the same state you are, but I wish you the best and I hope things become clearer, in either case, however the relationship continues or does not, this seems to me (for myself as much as for you) that it means creating boundaries and insisting they are followed.

[amusement park]

Your experience sounds very familiar to mine. When we first started dating it was wonderful. We both felt we had found our soulmates. Then eventually, splitting occurred. I was either wonderful or terrible. Push, pull, push, pull, black, white. It still happens almost 7 years later. I have acquired a wealth of knowledge from this website. I tried to walk away from her rage to avoid conflict and she would come right after me until I blew up. I know I shouldn't have responded that way.  I now know I won't if she comes back in the picture. I also know I won't take her rage so personally. We have been married 5 years and she has filed for divorce 6 times, dropping the previous 5. We are currently in number 6 now and I have no idea what she thinks. We are separated once again and she won't communicate with me. If she comes around I will ask her to get a diagnosis or continue the divorce. I will also have boundaries in place. I've been working with a counselor myself to help understand this behavior. It is up to you to decide whether to continue your relationship or end it. I see someone else suggested you end your relationship. That isn't what this message board is for. Good luck to you.

[oranges_c6870]

Thank you.  We'll the latest update is after 2 weeks of receiving daily texts asking how I'm doing, mixed with lengthy emails about how difficult her life is.  I receive a text that says, can we be friends.  I just need a little time, and then maybe we can go out casually... .That was Thursday. On Friday night, the only night she has free, as her children are with their father that one night... .A concerned friend advised me that her car was gone the entire evening.  I'm smart enough to figure that out.  And I have not received a phone call or text since the, let's be friends and go out casually after a little time.  Based on the fact that her withdrawal from intimacy with me started about a month ago. Am I correct in thinking that is the exact point the new replacement was in the picture for sex.  Not to be graphic, but the withholding completely, was maybe once a week peppered with her wanting me ty pleasure her, but she would not allow me the same... .And now confirmation that she's obviously having sex with someone else.  Is the let be friends to keep me for when she discards this guy, to have me to try and book again? It is complicated because we will see each on Sundays every week... Because of mutual commitments to a job.  So this is really confusing. I'm bitter that I was played... .And upset that I was blinded to all the red flags.  Should I expect to see her pop in again to lure me with sex at some point? She is keenly aware that I cave when she puts it out there... .Thanks for any input... .