She call. I went

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Hey, for anyone's that been following my posts I was in a relationship w my 30 year old ex for three years. It was abusive.  And this has been thr hardest expeirence of my life.We had about 2 weeks of no contact and I even broke it. But she asked me out and I went. It wasn't a perfect evening and has it's moments - she accuses me and even wants to strike but I  diffuse it by casually changing subject and it did work for the most part. In the past I use to want to defend myself but it only  l led to bigger fights. So we went out, at one point she wanted me to go into her apartment and I told her, it's not a good idea bc of how I feel ... .She gave me this look to get out and so I did ... .She ended up talking a storm to me and well we did not have sex she made that clear and I didn't really try. But she wanted a massage and I did. This breaks my heart bc all I want is this woman but I can't have anything and reading this board is all that I was thinking. And well to say the least the night was one of the better ones bc I read many things. She wanted me to text her when I got home. And I did.
I don't know how to feel. I believe she's still on a dating site and I am not, couldn't take dating anyone else right now. I am setting myself us for a bad fall I feel ... .any advice on how to answer her or what to do next I don't know.

[epicdaydream]

Hey, for anyone's that been following my posts I was in a relationship w my 30 year old ex for three years. It was abusive.  And this has been thr hardest expeirence of my life.We had about 2 weeks of no contact and I even broke it. But she asked me out and I went. It wasn't a perfect evening and has it's moments - she accuses me and even wants to strike but I  diffuse it by casually changing subject and it did work for the most part. In the past I use to want to defend myself but it only  l led to bigger fights. So we went out, at one point she wanted me to go into her apartment and I told her, it's not a good idea bc of how I feel ... .She gave me this look to get out and so I did ... .She ended up talking a storm to me and well we did not have sex she made that clear and I didn't really try. But she wanted a massage and I did. This breaks my heart bc all I want is this woman but I can't have anything and reading this board is all that I was thinking. And well to say the least the night was one of the better ones bc I read many things. She wanted me to text her when I got home. And I did.
I don't know how to feel. I believe she's still on a dating site and I am not, couldn't take dating anyone else right now. I am setting myself us for a bad fall I feel ... .any advice on how to answer her or what to do next I don't know.

[Emotions]

Find your center and be true to yourself... .if she is genuine I wish you guys the best, if she is false don't give in to temptation or you will end up hurting... .love yourself and know thy self, and you will endure

[Turkish]

then the hitting started. We were engaged. Not sure why i did this but i thought i could help her resolve her issues by marrying her. She hit me and i felt so ashamed i punched the wall and broke my hand. Weeks later, she got angry and squeezed that very same broken hand. She didn't care. And the hitting continued. The slaps. Kicks. Punches. Hair pulling. The threats to "ruin my life".  Wish i would die. Telling me she had nothing to lose with that death stare. The secret recordings of our fights to make me look bad.

Said here in confidentiality,  this doesn't make you look bad,  but her.  Given you choosing to continue contact after all of this (which behaviors are arrestable crimes), I'm concerned about keeping you out of jail, especially if she's tried to set it up to make you out to be the abuser.  

Your wall punching: regretable. Her behaviors? Not your fault.  Those are on her.  

What are you doing to keep yourself safe?

What I quoted was from your intro post.  If this were another member,  how would you think?

[epicdaydream]

You're right. Shes is playing the one upset and the victim. She has me come to her and I just kinda sir around. She asks me to do a few things and when I try to get close, bc I fell for her and God how I wish this was a normal relationships, she tells me she's too mad at me and.pushes me away.

You're right. I see no point in keep on going there just putting myself in a bad position. Sorry I just , I'm having a hard time with this. Thank you.

Said here in confidentiality,  this doesn't make you look bad,  but her.  Given you choosing to continue contact after all of this (which behaviors are arrestable crimes), I'm concerned about keeping you out of jail, especially if she's tried to set it up to make you out to be the abuser.  

Your wall punching: regretable. Her behaviors? Not your fault.  Those are on her.  

What are you doing to keep yourself safe?

What I quoted was from your intro post.  If this were another member,  how would you think?

[epicdaydream]

Thank you much for your words.

Find your center and be true to yourself... .if she is genuine I wish you guys the best, if she is false don't give in to temptation or you will end up hurting... .love yourself and know thy self, and you will endure