If you are wondering what is her 'true' self, here's an advice for you

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Okay this is my personal opinion.

I believe that BPD people do not have a 'true' self,  a point of reference. This is what they lack.

They just live through some personas. Like the 'Sober, sophisticated and classy woman' persona, or the  'happy go lucky... .do not worry' persona or say the 'the drunk spoilt babe' persona. They will cycle through these personas as per their need on whichever persona will make them happy during that time. If you try to wrap your head around this its pointless. Its pointless to investigate on what's her true self. She is disordered because she doesn't have a true self. She just puts up fake faces because she hasn't found her real face. She will start recovering from BPD the day she will start exploring her true self and make choices based on her true self and not what she feels at that moment.

[smart_storm26]

Okay this is my personal opinion.

I believe that BPD people do not have a 'true' self,  a point of reference. This is what they lack.

They just live through some personas. Like the 'Sober, sophisticated and classy woman' persona, or the  'happy go lucky... .do not worry' persona or say the 'the drunk spoilt babe' persona. They will cycle through these personas as per their need on whichever persona will make them happy during that time. If you try to wrap your head around this its pointless. Its pointless to investigate on what's her true self. She is disordered because she doesn't have a true self. She just puts up fake faces because she hasn't found her real face. She will start recovering from BPD the day she will start exploring her true self and make choices based on her true self and not what she feels at that moment.

[enlighten me]

I have to disagree. They do have a true self but its a very fragile one and easily influenced. Their true self doesn't make them happy so they try others on. The further they get away from their true self the less they can keep up their new self so eventually snap back to their true self. I have seen this with both my uBPD exs.

[MyBPD_friend]

Okay this is my personal opinion.

I believe that BPD people do not have a 'true' self,  a point of reference. This is what they lack.

They just live through some personas. Like the 'Sober, sophisticated and classy woman' persona, or the  'happy go lucky... .do not worry' persona or say the 'the drunk spoilt babe' persona. They will cycle through these personas as per their need on whichever persona will make them happy during that time. If you try to wrap your head around this its pointless. Its pointless to investigate on what's her true self. She is disordered because she doesn't have a true self. She just puts up fake faces because she hasn't found her real face. She will start recovering from BPD the day she will start exploring her true self and make choices based on her true self and not what she feels at that moment.

I must say, what you say here is very true, at least for my limited experience. It also fits well with everything I've read on the BPD topic.
Their thoughts, their behaviours, just anything they do is purely 'unpredictable' and many times weird.

[gotbushels]

Hi smart_storm26   

Interesting thoughts. 

Another way you can look at this is that they do have a persistent set of parts that are their "self" image, but they didn't have the opportunity to develop whatever they have to the point where you could recognise it as the self you call "true" here.

It has been put forward that some pwBPDs derive their sense of self from those around them, e.g., the caretaker at the time. That's quite similar to your idea that they live as a cycle of personalities.

Given that it does follow that it's a little pointless to figure out what this true self is for the pwBPD, it does allow us to figure out how and why we fit in to this kind of person's life.

[heartandwhole]

Hi smart_storm26,

I can see your point about the changing personas. I experienced a bit of what you are describing in my relationships, too. That said, people without BPD can have a changeable self-image and enjoy "reinventing" themselves.

From the DSM definition :

There may be an identity disturbance characterized by markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self (Criterion 3). There are sudden and dramatic shifts in self-image, characterized by shifting goals, values, and vocational aspirations. There may be sudden changes in opinions and plans about career, sexual identity, values, and types of friends. These individuals may suddenly change from the role of a needy supplicant for help to that of a righteous avenger of past mistreatment. Although they usually have a self-image that is based on being bad or evil, individuals with this disorder may at times have feelings that they do not exist at all. Such experiences usually occur in situations in which the individual feels a lack of a meaningful relationship, nurturing, and support. These individuals may show worse performance in unstructured work or school situations.

When I imagine what it might feel like to lack a stable self-image, it makes me feel compassion for BPD sufferers, because the way I imagine it is that it's difficult to live that way.

I agree that we can only deal with what it in front of us, but when we understand the possible origins of the shifting preferences and self-images, then we have information that helps us going forward.

Thoughts?

heartandwhole