Irrevocable Trust--Who Am I Negotiating With?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Questions questions questions.
I see the first attorney tomorrow afternoon, and I have a question. My H lives on an irrevocable trust, of which he is the beneficiary. The trust prevents my H from making a will. It is a document designed to protect him from making foolish decisions.    And I really get my FIL set it up that way. However... .
Who am I negotiating with then? My H? Or my FIL?
In 2009, my FIL was front and center; however, the lawyer I had back then was explaining that it was a breach of confidentiality to have my FIL so involved with the H's lawyer.
The thing is, back in 2009, my H was psychotic. My FIL didn't come out where we live and perhaps didn't realize just how ill H was at the time, but to give an example... .

He shot footage of himself masturbating and then sent the video to his father. And he posted it online. Not too healthy.

He was also taking a bottle of Benadryl a day. Again, not too healthy.

And, H wanted his divorce attorney's husband to represent his creative ventures. In return, he offered not money but a b**w job.

Wow, no wonder I feel like crap.

Anyhow, if there are any of you out there, who know about irrevocable trusts, if you could let me know, who am I technically negotiating with, I'd appreciate it.
TMD

[toomanydogs]

Questions questions questions.
I see the first attorney tomorrow afternoon, and I have a question. My H lives on an irrevocable trust, of which he is the beneficiary. The trust prevents my H from making a will. It is a document designed to protect him from making foolish decisions.    And I really get my FIL set it up that way. However... .
Who am I negotiating with then? My H? Or my FIL?
In 2009, my FIL was front and center; however, the lawyer I had back then was explaining that it was a breach of confidentiality to have my FIL so involved with the H's lawyer.
The thing is, back in 2009, my H was psychotic. My FIL didn't come out where we live and perhaps didn't realize just how ill H was at the time, but to give an example... .

He shot footage of himself masturbating and then sent the video to his father. And he posted it online. Not too healthy.

He was also taking a bottle of Benadryl a day. Again, not too healthy.

And, H wanted his divorce attorney's husband to represent his creative ventures. In return, he offered not money but a b**w job.

Wow, no wonder I feel like crap.

Anyhow, if there are any of you out there, who know about irrevocable trusts, if you could let me know, who am I technically negotiating with, I'd appreciate it.
TMD

[flourdust]

This may be a little beyond the scope of the guidance we can give here. It's a great question for interviewing attorneys. A very big part of what family law attorneys do is untangle complex finances -- some really specialize in that. Be sure to hire someone who has this expertise. In your initial interview with attorneys, pretty much any question you have fair game. So don't be afraid to dig into this topic to get a quick tutorial.

[ForeverDad]

Walk into your legal consultations with a written list of questions, don't depend on your memory, you would surely forget some important questions.  Look for practical strategies.  Lawyers know they won't get everyone walking in the door as their client.  That's another reason why you need multiple consultations.  You will feel inclined to choose the first and not see other lawyers but you need - and deserve - excellent representation.  It's okay to ask, "My case almost surely will get complicated, going to trial is a real possibility.  Have you handled such complicated cases?  If you were in my shoes, what lawyers in my area/county would you choose to represent you?"

[toomanydogs]

This may be a little beyond the scope of the guidance we can give here. It's a great question for interviewing attorneys. A very big part of what family law attorneys do is untangle complex finances -- some really specialize in that. Be sure to hire someone who has this expertise. In your initial interview with attorneys, pretty much any question you have fair game. So don't be afraid to dig into this topic to get a quick tutorial.

Thank you!

[toomanydogs]

Walk into your legal consultations with a written list of questions, don't depend on your memory, you would surely forget some important questions.  Look for practical strategies.  Lawyers know they won't get everyone walking in the door as their client.  That's another reason why you need multiple consultations.  You will feel inclined to choose the first and not see other lawyers but you need - and deserve - excellent representation.  It's okay to ask, "My case almost surely will get complicated, going to trial is a real possibility.  Have you handled such complicated cases?  If you were in my shoes, what lawyers in my area/county would you choose to represent you?"

Thanks. I'll be seeing my first lawyer today.
TMD