Hi, new here

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi everyone.  I am new here.  My mother was diagnosed with BPD quite some time ago, and my father is undiagnosed, but he's very selfish and my guess would be that he's a narcissist.  It's hard.  I have done a good job while growing up, keeping my family together.  But as I am in my mid 30's and have a toddler, I am seeing that I don't want to put the same pressures on her that were placed on me in the family dynamic I was raised in.  I think I did a lot of growing up at a young age, and I just cannot do that to my daughter.  In attempts to understand everything, also to stand up for myself I wrote my parents a letter explaining how I feel and asking them to please compromise with me on how we communicate with each other.  It was not well received, meaning mom was on one of her highs and acted like it was my problem "we aren't perfect, accept us or don't, it's on you." This was all in a super happy tone, not a care in a world.  Never mind the fact that they put me through hell last week and I have been agonizing over the letter I sent and all the ways they could respond. None of that even registered to her.  I say her because my father didn't even bother to respond.  I don't know how to maintain a relationship with these people, who is we were not blood related, I would have cut out of my life ages ago.  Any support, guidance, anything really- would be greatly appreciated.  Thank you all ahead of time for listening. 

[USAFhippie]

Hi everyone.  I am new here.  My mother was diagnosed with BPD quite some time ago, and my father is undiagnosed, but he's very selfish and my guess would be that he's a narcissist.  It's hard.  I have done a good job while growing up, keeping my family together.  But as I am in my mid 30's and have a toddler, I am seeing that I don't want to put the same pressures on her that were placed on me in the family dynamic I was raised in.  I think I did a lot of growing up at a young age, and I just cannot do that to my daughter.  In attempts to understand everything, also to stand up for myself I wrote my parents a letter explaining how I feel and asking them to please compromise with me on how we communicate with each other.  It was not well received, meaning mom was on one of her highs and acted like it was my problem "we aren't perfect, accept us or don't, it's on you." This was all in a super happy tone, not a care in a world.  Never mind the fact that they put me through hell last week and I have been agonizing over the letter I sent and all the ways they could respond. None of that even registered to her.  I say her because my father didn't even bother to respond.  I don't know how to maintain a relationship with these people, who is we were not blood related, I would have cut out of my life ages ago.  Any support, guidance, anything really- would be greatly appreciated.  Thank you all ahead of time for listening. 

[Woolspinner2000]

Welcome USAFhippie! 

There is a lot of wonderful and helpful information on our site. Have you taken time to look at the points on the right hand side of our board? ----->>  Anything you click on will open into a larger explanation. Jump in with both feet to our board here and ask all the questions you can. Please be sure and post in other threads too as it is helpful to relate and encourage others from your own experience.

But as I am in my mid 30's and have a toddler, I am seeing that I don't want to put the same pressures on her that were placed on me in the family dynamic I was raised in.

Good for you!  I remember making that same choice and decision as well when we had children. We CAN make the choice to do better than the pwBPD did in our families.

I'm going to share a link to a book that has been super helpful to me. There are also some questions in the book to help you start to heal and process your childhood.

Surviving a Borderline Parent

I'm sorry for how hard the letter was to write, but also for how it was received. It is easy to feel guilty for standing up for oneself. I'm glad you took that step! 

Is it possible for you to see a T to help you heal from growing up with a pwBPD?

 
Wools

[Turkish]

What did she do to put you through hell last week?