Constant random messages

[SuperJew82]

What do I do about these constant random messages that my exdBPDGf keeps sending me? I've been NC for months... .I have gmail and there isn't a way to really "block" them, but instead, they get sent to the spam folder where I don't have the willpower all the time to not check it.

So I check my Spam... .and I get this message just an hour ago:

"Look, I know you.  I will prove what has happened. Trust me."

I honestly have no idea what she means... .but it gets under my skin. I swear if I could block them before they got to my folders I would - I've googled it and I cannot.

What do I do?

[SuperJew82]

She designs messages just to "Fish" me... .I have to admit... .she is good... .I hate them... .I can't keep out of my spam folder... .

They are currently about 2-3 times a week.

Otherwise, I'm doing alright with all things considered. I'm even out trying to do the dating thing...

I'm considering trying to get a restraining order just to get my point across... .The last message weirded me out a little.

I dare not respond.

[FallenOne]

Create a new email address and stop using that one? Really though, you need to get to the point where you don't care about anything she says or does. Your goal is to get to that point of just not caring...

6 months ago, I would have been tempted to creep my ex's facebook, find out who she was dating, read any text messages that were sent to me etc... Now, I don't give a d@mn... I'm glad she doesn't contact me, and if she did, I would ignore it and not care...

Part of you WANTS to respond and WANTS to know what is going on... If part of you didn't still care, then you wouldn't be struggling with this. Stop caring and remember how toxic she is and how much better off you are without her.

You use the word "fishing"... That's a good word, because that's all she's trying to do is reel you in hook, line and sinker and you're considering taking the bait... .Don't take the bait... You know your life is awesome without her and a nightmare with her...

[SuperJew82]

After I compiled this message, I knew the answer. Although I'm doing much better overall and keeping NC for months now, there is an urge to look if a message gets thrown in my mailbox. It's not enough to go out of my way.

I'm almost out of the woods, but I'm not there yet. I think the only thing that will help me is time and continued NC. Like this morning I was organizing my pics from onedrive ( syncs up smartphone pics ) and I found some old pics of good times with her. It made me a little sad - so I then right away got out my notepad and listed all the toxic things she did to me. Over two years - it was a LOT.

I then became less sad.

[apocalypsenow]

SuperJew82, you can click on her message and check "filter messages like this" and it will open a pop up which will auto fill her email, then when you click at the bottom "create filter" it will take you to a second pop up with options to delete (or put in spam or whatever) the messages. 

However... .I wonder if you really want to do this, it sounds like you're on the fence about knowing what is going on and yet having it sortof set you back when you do?  I'm not judging, because I'm in the same boat.  I have, many times, thought I should block her or send her messages into the trash.  But I don't.  Always with a sliver of hope or delusion or something, hanging on.  Caught in between.  But I do think it's good her messages at least go into your spam so have the choice, instead of to your inbox where they would be in your face.  That's a step.

A friend of mine shared this advice with me when he had a hard time getting over a gf recently.  Every time he would think of checking her FB or instagram, he'd do some pushups instead, or something else that would stop him temporarily until the moment was over.  That isn't my style because I hate working out, but maybe I'd force myself to clean the toilet or something that wasn't super fun.

[SuperJew82]

I think she is gone for awhile now... .it's been days since I've haven't gotten a single message and they have been trailing off... .now now silence. She must have found another source - so just out of sheer confirmation, I notice she took her dating profile down.

So you are prob thinking... .SJ... .don't pay any attention to any of that and focus forward. Well you are right, but this does give me a break to get on with my life and to learn that the spam folder will just be barren. I don't feel sad about that at all.

After thinking about it a little bit, I've made a small but very important realization. I was just as special as the guy before me and the guy after me.

For some reason, that is a load off of my shoulders that makes me feel so much better. It's like I know that I wasn't the world to her and I wasn't responsible for bringing her world down. I feel the guilt start to fade away.

I'm pretty sure she will screw up the next relationship in a horrible way ( I do feel a teeny bit sorry for the next guy ) and will try to come back to me at some point, but this means I have about 4 months of cease-fire to focus on me and be in a better place.

I would have never recycled one time if she wasn't crazily harassing me and actually did what other girls have done and just parted ways.

[FallenOne]

When you show them that you're unavailable (with someone else for example) they stop harrassing you... .Find someone else.

[SuperJew82]

haha easier said than done... .Don't get me wrong... .I take care of myself, have a decent job, family guy through and through... .but I'm verrrry picky. Too picky sometimes.

That's what got me with my exDBPDGF - she (appeared to be) was exactly what I was looking for. Beautiful, smart, ambitious, great family, wonderful mother, no drama, her son's dad was not in the picture ( turns out she was just mirroring me and what I wanted ).

[Harley Quinn]

What's the situation with the messages SJ?  Any new developments the last couple of days?  Have you altered the email spam folder or do you feel strong enough to ignore and delete without reading?  Some members get a trusted friend to screen or just delete for them.

Regards finding someone else.  Why don't you date yourself for a while and give yourself a dose of you.  There's no rush to find a new partner.  In fact I'm a believer that when we are in a healthy place ourselves we are more likely to find someone who truly does align with that.  I'm going to take myself out this evening and treat myself how I ought to be treated.  It's worth taking the opportunity to invest in yourself and do the work on healing wounds past and present.  We set the tone for what comes next in our lives.

Love and light x

[SuperJew82]

They stopped completely. I suspected that she might have found a new "replacement" so I might have been given my break. To verify this, I looked up her online dating profile to see it had been taken down. So it looks like I might have a few months of silence which is the break I needed.

I agree about the dating thing... .I gave it a shot, but my heart wasn't really into it. It was robotic and was just going through the motions. I didn't really get excited about it. I have a bunch of messages in my inbox from match but I'm disinterested at best. I wish I was more into it... .but I'm not... .right now I'm just doing more stuff with my little girls and working on projects that have been neglected.

[Harley Quinn]

So it looks like I might have a few months of silence which is the break I needed.

Strengthen your resolve if you can to steer yourself gently away from her activity online and plan for what you will do when you hear from her, so that you have something in place and are prepared.  If that means involving a friend to intervene and delete then forewarn them now that you might need that support.  That will put you in a better position emotionally when the day comes, especially if it is sooner than you would hope.  Make the most of the peace and make it count.  

I'm just doing more stuff with my little girls and working on projects that have been neglected.

That sounds like a great use of time and very fulfilling.  Well I had to cancel on myself after all as I got ill, but not sure if I believe myself.  Maybe I got a better offer... .  Hm, so the self esteem still needs some work... .!    

Love and light x

[SuperJew82]

3am in the morning. My watch starts buzzing with a text, it reads "Look's I'm not going to find anything like us again"

I actually thought it was a dream as I couldn't find the email (her preferred method of harassment), but it was a text that made it through the block ( I moved to google voice and forgot to reblock her number ).

Surprisingly, it didn't emotionally move me that much at all. My first thought to myself was "Yes, I sure hope I don't find anything like us again"

I have zero desire to reach out to her. It did make me think about what she might be up to for her to say something like that... .but then I was back to my day.

[Freeatlast_1]

What do I do about these constant random messages that my exdBPDGf keeps sending me? I've been NC for months... .I have gmail and there isn't a way to really "block" them, but instead, they get sent to the spam folder where I don't have the willpower all the time to not check it.

SuperJew

Here how to block. Find an old email from her, open it, use the drop down on the right upper corner and select block. I had to do it this way otherwise I would have been getting emails too. Going to settings etc didn't do it, they filtered through to my inbox or spam. I hope that works.

[SuperJew82]

... .or I could just quit caring... .

I passed her on the road today. Meh.

I've also been reading post by this guy: philomeister https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?action=profile;u=78689

For some reason, after I digest his stories - things make a lot more sense to me.