Disappearing

[Wanttounderstand]

My 25 year old daughter has "left" our family with no forwarding address. All we know is that she is in Tuscon, AZ. When she disappeared we cut off all financial support so she could truly see what it is like to be on her own after always supporting her no matter what she did.  We supported her in and out of college, in and out of work, and in and out of health issues. Sometimes I second guess not helping her financially, but she did leave us and said she always knew she would disappear after her grandfather passed away. Has Anyone else dealt with something similar?

Thank you

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Huat]

Hello again, Wanttounderstand,

The second-guessing deflates you.  You know in your heart that you always did what you thought was best.  What more could be asked of you... .other than... .when you know better... .do better... .and I'm sure you've done that and will continue to do so.

When one is at the end of their rope... .tried everything they could possibly think of... .perhaps time to back off.  As hurtful as it is to you, your daughter has made a decision to distance herself.  She is an adult and that is her choice. 

Yes, it hurts a lot.  I know because it has happened to me a number of times... .currently in yet another period of no contact.  I have always been a loving Mom and to be rejected by the child I gave birth to and love so much almost finished me off in the past.  Thankfully a gradual turn-around has brought me to where I am today... .accepting what is... .IS... .and getting on with the other aspects of my life.  My daughter will always be part of my heart.   I would lie if I said a tear never drops, though.  I am a Mom!

When I write "gradual turn-around"... .that is what it has been for me... .baby steps.  My healing had to start with me.  My quest for happiness had to depend on me... .not my daughter.

Do you have the option of e-mailing or texting?  If so, perhaps just the odd, short/sweet snippets of "I love you"... .or something similar.  She may reply.  She may not.  Whatever... .you are doing what a Mom does... .letting her child know she is loved.

Your posts are important, Wanttounderstand.  You are reaching others who could be thinking they are in this alone.  It is a nice feeling when you know you are not.

[Feeling Better]

Hi Wanttounderstand

Like Huat, and like yourself, I too know what it's like to be rejected by one's adult child and it's a very painful experience to go through.

My uBPD 35 year old son left a year ago to live in a different country. I too have no forwarding address, I know which city he lives in and I am assuming that is where he still is, but to be honest if he has decided to move on then I wouldn't have a clue where he is, but I try not to think of that scenario. My only contact with him is by email and after being asked by him shortly after he left to leave him alone, I hardly email him now, but I do think about him every day. What has happened had always been my worst nightmare, I'd thought I would never survive it. But I have. As Huat wisely says, accepting what is... .IS. It's not easy but it will get easier believe me. Your daughter and my son, they are both adults and we have no control over their lives.

We understand what you are going through and will be with you all the way x