First post here

Thanks for registering. You will find extensive peer support here. We've been there, done that. In general we have a pretty good idea of what usually works and what usually doesn't. Of course, what works for you may not work for everyone, but that's to be expected since BPD (and the other PDs) have a list of traits that are exhibited in a wide spectrum of behaviors and perceptions.

How old is your child? Is there anything in particular that needs immediate attention? Usually the younger the child, the more extreme the BPD actions, reactions and overreactions, especially regarding custody and parenting schedules.

A lot of the conflict can be categorized as boundary pushing. You set proper limits and the spouse fights them tooth and nail. There's little else to do but to stick to your boundaries as much as possible. Appeasing or giving in will at best only work for a little while and then with the ex feeling entitled and/or enabled there are more and more demands. Of course sometimes exceptions are needed, no parenting schedule covers every possible scenario, but make sure the exceptions are not taken as a weakening of your boundaries.

You may want her to get therapy. You may want... .whatever. Sadly, you can't fix her. And courts generally handle parents as they are. That's a good lesson to learn too, you need to handle all contact with her based on how she is, not as you wish her to be. Odds are she'll never really improve unless she gets into meaningful therapy and sticks with it long term. However, once she realizes the New Normal doesn't always go in her favor then the conflict may lessen a bit. Over time. What that perspective does is help you to Let Go of a lot of the angst and frustrations, knowing you're not the cause of the problems and you should focus on yourself and your children, that's the reality.



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