My boyfriend has BPD

[SofiXXX]

Hi
The day i met my boyfriend (Alec) was one of the best days of my life. He's sweet, extremely caring, loved me so much and wanted my attention constantly. However, I'm a muslim and he's an atheist therefore i would feel very guilty at times due to religion differences. I left him 3 times as a result. After thinking to myself i'm convinced that i will never leave him again and i'm ready to become an atheist just to be with him. That was a couple of weeks ago, I'm with him right now and everything was going perfectly however gradually things have started to change. When my boyfriend gets drunk he becomes a totally different person... .He talks about himself as a third person saying things like "I'm not your boyfriend, I don't know you, I don't love anyone, I don't care about you, I only care about Alec... .i'm only here to deal with his problems."
He would say things that hurt me and even flirt with other chicks. I noticed after that the man i'm dating has borderline personality disorder. His alternative personality would come out to solve Alec's problems. I know this is really confusing... .I was very confused at first. I started reading books and watching videos on BPD, and i realised that i hurt him so many times without noticing. Like i don't do it intentionally, he just pisses me off. I realised that BPD people get hurt 10x worse than a normal person. I want to make it up for him, i wanna support him and be there for him. I want him to love me whether it's alec or his other personality. How? how do i become his happiness? Thank you so much, honestly i'm very worried he'd leave me. I won't leave him i promise but i still feel helpless at times.

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[pearlsw]

Hi SofiXXX,

Welcome to the family! Sorry you are having such struggles!

Reading your post I have some concerns. Why did you feel the need to change your belief system for your partner? Did he ask for this or did you feel that you could not be Muslim while being with a non-Muslim? Is it possible to just be yourself and yet still be with him?


Does he only act this way while drinking or does he also speak of himself in the third person when not drinking?

We all have different beliefs about love, but I would recommend you be a bit wary with thinking you can be another person's happiness.

I think another goal might be to work on your communication skills with him and see where that goes. Getting along is a big enough goal!

Take care!