It still completely baffles me

[gr1ngo]

If anybody were to tell me that people like this existed before I met my uBPDEx or that she would suddenly just leave me for another man on a random day I would not believe it. I've been NC with her for a little over a month after she ended our 18 month relationship. She's tried contacting me 3 times, the last time she even called me 7 times and texted me. I know better than to answer her anymore because she either says something in what seems to be an attempt to hurt me or she ignores my texts for a whole day and then apologises/lies about why she couldn't answer me even when she read the text.

I definitely feel a lot better than I did when she initially dropped the bomb on me. I don't think that I've ever been so confused in my life. She went from being my #1 fan to someone that I don't even recognize. She went from telling me how much she loved me everyday to telling me how the guy she's dating now does things for her and how his ex is annoying because she keeps texting him to come back to her. And she says all these things casually as if I were her friend.

Does she not understand how much damage she has done? Does she care? I still think about her from time to time and it still amazes me how someone can just flip a switch in their brain and not acknowledge good times and memories they created with someone that genuinely loved them.

[vanx]

gr1ngo, sorry for what you are going through. It sounds like you are ok though and protecting yourself from further hurt. It certainly is confusing to try to understand someone who may think and operate differently from yourself, and if you were idealized and devalued, which seems to be what you describe, that is definitely having the rug pulled from under your feet. I don't know, but maybe it's simply easier for her to try something new instead of maintaining what she has.
I wrestled for a long time wondering if she cared. In my case, I ultimately decided she probably did to the best of her abilities, but her behavior did not match up with my values of what it meant to care about someone. And as for whether she is aware of doing damage, I think it's possible, but if she had BPD, she may have difficulty accepting responsibility.
Do you think she may continue texting you about the new relationship? What are your limits and how can you look out for yourself in this situation? Either way, it sounds like although you are confused, you are taking care of yourself. Keep it up!

[ateu]

I feel for you, I know how it is and you are not alone in this.

I told my guy, (who by the way wanted to marry me and have kids, just a month ago), that I wanted to break up if he didn't change certain things.

Result: He is completely over me, happy and jolly moving in with another girl, getting a dog. Texting me - sure, but just like a friend. I am just nobody anymore. after 3 years.

I just think the bottom line is we must stop thinking they see things the way we do. They don't. They really don't and we can't make them either.

Take good care of yourself. I am sure we will find someone who does not have this problem one day. take it step by step and realise it is an illness.

Sending love and understanding.