Husband was hospitalized for 14 weeks and just found out about BPD diagnosis

[Sparklerz]

Hi,
My husband was forced into inpatient pyshiatric care by his state board. I suspected he might be bipolar but his ex codes came back as 1. Major recurrent depression in partial remission,2. BPD,3. Other impulse disorder, 4. GAD, and 5. Tinnitus, and 6. Herpes simplex-don't know which type yet.  He was in recovery for "porn addiction"... .and I have since found out that he has convinced his entire family that I have BPD and battered him for the last four years.  I am still trying to get my head around this.  One of the reasons he was put into treatment was he was arrested for battering me.  A friend who is a therapist gave me a book to read. He still continues to blame me and is villianizing me to his family and I am stunned that after 14 weeks inpatient I am not seeing any improvement.  And even more amazed that his family thinks that "if only" he and I had walked in harmony this would not have happened.  Where do you go from here? We are closing our business and I had to put our house on the market and M selling pretty much everything I own to pay off debt Bc i found out he had quit paying our bills.  I need to get a job outside of all this other work I am doing to stay afloat and was just informed that I am not welcome at the family Thanksgiving holiday? This is nuts. I would like off the merrygo round please bc i am tired.  I am trying to walk this out in love. It am finding it very hard  to do with the denial, blame, and sheer stupidity I am hearing from his family.  Please tell me there are others out there who know what this is like. I feel like a leper... .you mention BPD and people back away from you like I might be contagious and they get it bc I  his wife.  Blech... .

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

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[Harley Quinn]

Hi Sparklerz and welcome 

I'm sorry to hear about the very difficult time you are having and must say that you sound like a very calm and balanced person for the way that you are approaching this.  It is bound to be tough to keep hearing the denial and blame being cast upon you, yet you seem to be rising above this, which takes enormous strength of character.  It's good you found us, as others here can relate to what you describe and understand the emotional impact of such behaviours.

If you were subject to violent abuse from your husband, are you receiving any support from a domestic abuse service locally?  If you've not done already, I would highly recommend (from personal experience) contacting a DV advocate from a local service and getting the emotional support to help you through this time.  I found this a real turning point for me and was amazed at the depth of support available from them.  They helped me in so many ways.  It's important you are taking good care of yourself and that means addressing the effects that all of this is having on you.  Are your own friends and family aware of what you're going through and being supportive of you?  Getting a good support network in place is a positive thing to consciously do for yourself right now, as you seem to have a lot going on which is detrimental to your harmony and you could use some additional cheerleading for your efforts to remain centred amid all of this.  Another reason why it's great you reached out here for support. 

What was the book that your friend gave to you and has it proven helpful in understanding some of what you've been experiencing?  It can be enlightening to learn all you can about BPD and gain perspective on what drives the behaviours, as there are times we can also help sufferers to manage their condition by relating to them in different ways.  There are excellent articles and lessons on the site which I would encourage you to make use of in building up your knowledge and arming yourself with helpful tools to aid you with improving the communication in the r/s to reduce tension and conflict.  They are helpful with all r/s's, so valuable skills for everyone to have. 

I hope that your husband will be given thorough treatment and support for his diagnoses and that you will begin to see positive differences in his attitudes and behaviours.  The DV stuff may need to be dealt with separately through another channel, but learning to manage his emotional dysregulation which results in the extreme anger will go a long way to improving things for him and those he relates to. 

Keep reading and posting.  You will be understood here and other members can share the benefit of their own experience with you.  You are not alone in this.

Love and light x

[heartandwhole]

Sparklerz,

Welcome to the community. I'm so very sorry that you are going through this. You've found a place for support.

Can you update us on how things are going?

Has your husband returned from his inpatient stay?

We're here for you. 

heartandwhole