Sister with BPD traits, but no diagnosis

[Toomanypets]

Hi--I'm reaching out after a very bad week with my sister.  She lived with me for a few months and is now moving every month with no real plan for a job or stable living arrangement, and I'm also worried that she seems to be on a self-directed regimen of pain killers and anti anxiety meds.  Her boyfriend disclosed to my family that she may be suicidal, but she lashed out at both him and me when we tried to talk to her about it.  She is now unwilling to share where she's living and has cut off contact with everyone.  She has had these problems for years, but refuses treatment so I've never been quite sure what's wrong.  Recently her boyfriend disclosed that a therapist told him that he suspected that she has BPD based on her history and behavior.  I've been reading up on BPD and many--although not all--of the traits seem to fit.  I care about my sister as does my family, but we have no idea how to help.  I'm hoping that others who've experienced this will have advice about the current situation and also how we should approach this long-term.  Thanks.

[Woolspinner2000]

Welcome Toomanypets! 

Thank you for joining us and for sharing your first post.  As you may have noticed, there is a lot of information on our site. Take your time as you learn to navigate, and please read the list on the right hand side of the board, especially near the top. Anything you click on will open up to more information. Also don't be shy to jump into posting and responding to others because you will learn a lot about them and yourself.

Have you read any books yet about BPD? Here is a link that may be helpful to you:

Get Someone into Therapy

How do you feel about this discovery that your sibling may have BPD? Sometimes it can be a relief to finally know what is going on.

 
Wools

[Toomanypets]

Thank you for reaching out and for suggesting where to get started.  I guess in some ways it does help to know that she is likely BPD--my mother has many of these traits as well.   In the short run, I am just feeling very bruised by a blow up last week, but am beginning to realize that I play a part in it by acting as the rescuer over and over again--the triangulation explanation was really helpful in understanding that.

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi again Toomanypets, 

I'm glad the link was helpful.  Remember to not be too hard on yourself though as you learn. You've been conditioned and trained to respond a certain way. It's wonderful that you gained some insight and can begin to see where you may be able to make some adjustments that can help you.  One thing to remember is that the adjustments and learning will help YOU. You will learn more about BPD, how to navigate the rough waters, what behaviors you can expect to see in your sibling, and many more things. The best way to be able to help someone with BPD is by helping yourself grow and learn. Protecting yourself is important to help you get stronger. Does that make sense?

What other topics about BPD are of particular interest to you? What questions do you have?

 
Wools