BPD & Stage 4 Colon Cancer

[Cgypsy]

Good Morning,
I am 58 years old and been married twice to my wife for a total of 35 years. I have believed for many years that my wife suffers with BPD. My wife has been diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer and I am at a loss as to how to handle these two conditions. I want to be there for her through this time while she fights her cancer but I also want her to understand that she needs help with her BPD. I have left the marriage multiple times, even to divorce the last time but I always come back. Now I am back and trying to figure out how to stay strong and keep myself in a healthy place to support her. She goes back in for her second evaluation in Dec so we are waiting for that to see if her tumors are being effected positively by the Chemo.
I am looking for support on how to handle someone with BPD and Terminal Cancer.

Thanks
C

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[heartandwhole]

Hi Cgypsy,



I'd like to welcome you to the community. I'm very sorry to hear of your wife's cancer diagnosis. That is such a stressful position to be in. I'm so glad that you reached out for support, because you've found a place with members who understand the challenges of loving someone with BPD.   

Wanting your wife to understand that she needs help with her BPD is very understandable, and could be very beneficial. It may be difficult, however, for your wife to handle the symptoms of BPD (let alone how to deal with it) while she battles the cancer. We have an excellent article on the site that addresses this issue:

Anosognosia and Getting Someone with BPD into Therapy

I'd love to hear your thoughts if you have a chance to read it.

What is your support system like, Cgypsy? Are you taking good care of yourself? Do you have family, friends, and/or a counselor whom you can lean on right now? It's important to rally as much support around you as you can.

When you can, tell us a bit more about the behaviors that are causing the most trouble.

Keep posting. We're here to walk with you through this. 

heartandwhole