Introduction to this site

[Chicosecret58]

Hi... .hope have an adult child with BPD traits.  She has been extremely difficult and a struggle to deal with for many years.  Presently she is estranged because she is waiting for an apology from my husband and I for all the things we “did” to her as a young adult - she dwells on situations, keeps a scorecard of everything she’s done for us and feels she’s the only one trying to keep the family together.  She is 33 with 2 beautiful girls that I have been extremely close to (was there for their deliveries and have taken care of them all along - they are 3 and 5).  I have 2 other adult children that struggle with her as well.  She has a very poor relationship with her younger sister whom she has not spoken to in a year yet now is trying to rekindle the relationship now that she is estranged from me and my husband.  She says so many things that are NOT true which is soo frustrating!  I have tried to reach out to work things out but she reacts by blasting me about how horrible I am and actually harasses me to the point I must block her because I am at work.  The holidays are coming up and i’d just like to have my family together and see my grand daughters... .I am so sad and don’t know which way to go... .

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Feeling Better]

Hello Chicosecret58,

Welcome to the board, I would like to say to you that I also am estranged from my uBPD son, as are other parents here from their offspring. You are not alone.

You say that your daughter is waiting for an apology from you and your husband for all the things you ‘did’ to her. I can’t tell you how many times I apologised to my son, the apology was accepted, hugs all round, I’m thinking all is ok and then the next time I saw him we were back to square one and it just carried on repeating. Exhausting!
Since finding this site and reading about BPD and communication skills I have come to realise that although I apologised on numerous occasions, I hadn’t actually validated his feelings and the fact that he was allowed to have those feelings, which is why just an apology was never enough for him.
If you can find some element of truth in your daughters accusations, something that you can validate, or you can validate her feelings, that might go some way towards repairing your relationship with her.