During the low periods he talks about suicide

[Cath123]

My husband has BPD.  He feels things incredibly strongly and I often struggle to respond.  He has big highs in big lows.  :)uring the low periods he talks about suicide drinks and uses drugs.  :)uring the high periods we have all sorts of adventures.  I read the Walking On Eggshells book and found it helpful.  
 Often I feel isolated as my husband is high functioning and he hides his moods from others.  He is also incredibly anxious about how other perceive him so I find it difficult to discuss our situation with people we both know as it feels like a betrayal.  I'm hoping that through this message board I will read message from people that have similar experiences.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

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[pearlsw]

Hi Cath123,



Oh sure, there are lots of us here who can relate. It definitely helps to post and share and build community here. I am pretty isolated myself so this serves as a nice space to help me stay grounded in reality and find better ways to manage with the challenges I face.

Perhaps reading about validating can help you with finding better responses to his high emotions. (See here: https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-dont-be-invalidating)  It's funny, the more I do it, the more I notice my h does it in return. He tends to model the behavior he sees, I think a lot of what he did/does that is negative in the relationship are holdovers from his last relationship with his ex. I find that the more carefully I behave the better role model it is for him - it gives him good ideas to follow. He really does not know much about relationships at all I think, much less healthy ones.

I know what that is like too - people in his family know my h is unstable, but I don't think they really get how unstable or the toll it takes on me. Luckily I don't need them to back up how I see the world and provide me emotional support. And I don't need the extra complications or to have people on my side. I don't want sides, just the happiest life possible.

What are some of the things that you are dealing with at home that you aren't able to share elsewhere?

wishing you peace, pearlsw.

[Radcliff]

Welcome, Cath123!  We are glad you have found us.  This is a good place.  Living with a high functioning pwBPD can indeed be so terribly isolating.  It's mind bending to be seeing a totally different reality than everyone else sees, and can cause one to question one's own perceptions.  My most important bit of advice is to become a community member here for the long haul.  Make this part of your support system.  Read other's posts, and reply to them.  Get to know the others through their posts.  And, especially important, read the resources on this page (see right-hand sidebar).  A ton of work has gone into them, and we like to share!

Let us know about the answer to pearlsw's question about what things you'd like to talk about that you can't talk about elsewhere.

Best,

WW

[No Words]

Hello Cath123,

I can totally relate to your post, especially how hard it is for you respond to your husband's emotions. Hence my username "No Words". I hope to learn how to respond better. My silence is sometimes taken as stonewalling or being uncaring.

I am pretty isolated so I don't have anyone who could possibly understand what I live other than my daughters. But that is what I hope to change by joining this forum.

Welcome and tell us more of your story.