Living the real life of BPD

[Parents! Get help here!]

I thought with enough love, time, patience and modeling of behavior I could fix everything. However, I didn't know what everything really was. We took this special son into our home as a late teen. We had already adopted 2 children as infants. So how different could it be, right? I knew something was different from the beginning and had enough glimpses of his childhood to know there was trauma. But I underestimated it all. For the past 7 yrs it's been nearly constant struggles. Raging anger, it doesn't matter what I do it's wrong. He is verbally abusive and always always angry. I'm an educated professional nurse use to carrying for people, fixing things. Everything is twisted so I'm at fault, that I even began believing it. I realized I was loosing myself and started counseling. I've read the book Stop Walking on Eggshells, actually 3 times, just to make sure I haven't missed something. He doesn't think there is anything wrong with his behavior "it's the way I've always been, take it or leave it".  I've refused to leave because I made him a promise to always be there, because everyone else in his life as left. But he doesn't want me part of his life and has walked away. The first time I read the book I cried through the first 5 or 6 chapters. I thought "how did they write this book, they didn't interview me, but it's our life, all of it".

[Patrice]

I thought with enough love, time, patience and modeling of behavior I could fix everything. However, I didn't know what everything really was. We took this special son into our home as a late teen. We had already adopted 2 children as infants. So how different could it be, right? I knew something was different from the beginning and had enough glimpses of his childhood to know there was trauma. But I underestimated it all. For the past 7 yrs it's been nearly constant struggles. Raging anger, it doesn't matter what I do it's wrong. He is verbally abusive and always always angry. I'm an educated professional nurse use to carrying for people, fixing things. Everything is twisted so I'm at fault, that I even began believing it. I realized I was loosing myself and started counseling. I've read the book Stop Walking on Eggshells, actually 3 times, just to make sure I haven't missed something. He doesn't think there is anything wrong with his behavior "it's the way I've always been, take it or leave it".  I've refused to leave because I made him a promise to always be there, because everyone else in his life as left. But he doesn't want me part of his life and has walked away. The first time I read the book I cried through the first 5 or 6 chapters. I thought "how did they write this book, they didn't interview me, but it's our life, all of it".

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Chipsmom]

Hi Patrice,

I just started reading the book myself.  I presently am dealing with an adult daughter who has just recently been diagnosed.  She has been through several therapists who thought she had anxiety/depression and a bad childhood.  It turns out she is DPD and made up her whole childhood in her head.  She finally is with a therapist and on meds but we have years of damage.  When I read the book I felt so bad that I didnt see this sooner.  All the years I have been blamed, put down and it has been all about her.  How wonderful that you have accepted this young man into your lives!  What a blessing you have gave him and he doesnt know it.  I hope he finds the right kind of help.  It is hard I know it.  All my hopes as a family have been destroyed but I am determined to understand it and fight back.  It is a long journey.