Questions about residential programs

[Love my BPD son]

Can anyone offer any info about residential programs, hopefully on the west coast? How are they paid for? How do they work? Our son is 26, intelligent, college-educated, very sharp, but unable to manage his life, his finances, his social relationships or his behavior (at times). He agrees he might be a candidate for such a program. Any help? Thank you.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hi Love my BPD son 

Welcome to bpdfamily, I'm glad you found us. I'm in the UK so don't have personal experience to share, hoping others who have come by. The National Alliance on Mental Illness provide free advice, you can speak with someone local to you, what's available and how to access  (NAMI): NAMI | Find Support

It's great to hear you son is open to considering, has he had any medical support so far? My daughter was diagnosed at 26 (now 29) and is doing well following 14 months of out patient DBT.

Does your son live with you?

Do let us know how you get on with NAMI, we are here for you.

WDx

[JustYouWait]

Good morning from East Coast, USA, LoveMyBPDSon.

My daughter (DD18) is currently in a residential program (minimum 90 day) in CT.  Wer found it by research, research, research using the google machine.  We found about 20 on the East Coast, from Atlanta to Boston.  After that, we looked at what they offered (DBT therapy, animal therapy, whether they worked with BPD only, gender makeup of patients, age range of patients, quantity of patients, etc.), as well as location (Atlanta vs. Boston, etc.), as well as reviews on google and elsewhere, and location (I know I said that, but this location refers to "city vs. country".

Of the 20, we were able to whittle that list down to about 4-5, which we called and told our situation.  The coordinators on the other end of the phone were, to a person, helpful in making our decision.  Please keep in mind that there are some places that are for-profit and some that are not-for-profit, and still others that are non-profit.  What I am saying is that one of the things I noticed is that the non-profit place had the least pressure for us to allow them to help our child.  Just keep that in mind when you're talking to them. 

That is not to say that the for-profit places are bad, not at all.  Maybe I'm remembering this with a slant because I was pretty emotionally raw while making the phone calls and may have been super sensitive to what I felt was pressure.  See, I didn't want to do that.  Heck, I don't want any of this.  (spoiler alert... .NO ONE WANTS THIS).   Something I learned after I got here and realized my DW and I aren't alone.

Sorry for the side track in answering your question... .

So, what I learned is that in our situation, residential treatment facilities are NOT covered under my insurance, and it has come to light that many insurances do not cover residential.

Unfortunately, cost became a concern for us.  I struggled with this part because, like when I get tattooed, you may not want to necessarily go with "the cheapest option".  The truth of the matter is that we got lucky, and the place on which we settled is not only the most cost effective, but also the best place for her.  We were able to secure an immediate load from In Laws while we got the rest of the financing in order to pay for the treatment.

Next came contact with former in-laws and ex-wife, a 401 k loan, and there is always the possibility for a medical loan.  There are lending institutions out there that do nothing but medical loans.

The choice for you is whether you want to take on the financial responsibility for your DS26?  Not a judgment statement from me, either way.  If you do take on none, all, or some part in between, it's the right answer. 

At 26, I believe he may be off your insurance.  Does he have his own?  Is he on Medicaid/Medicare?  And you know what your and his financial situations are.

I hope this helps.

If I recall correctly, our original search for places returned many on the west coast... .AZ, CA, WA, and OR.

Good luck, and come back often!  We are here for you.