Dont give up on someone you love

[LateBloomer43]

Hello everyone. I'm a non in a well was in a romance with a very amazing BPD lady.

So as most of us do, I found out about BPD after the big break up. Man those first few weeks of reading horrible things about BPD scared me. Go ahead and giggle because im a 28 year old man and this is my first long term relationship lasting 2 years. If I have learned one thing about BPD its that someone or everyone just says GIVE UP!

Well I have ADHD but I dont like to medicate. I feel that it creates a false version of myself. I like the way I am just fine. My relationship was amazing all the way through. Even in the devalue stage. Im a very strong Empath and aware of my so called powers. I easily read others like a book. But never heard of BPD.

We met and instantly hit it off. Took 6 months to get her to be exclusive. I also was a parent to her 2 year old son. I did everything a father would do for this little guy. potty trained him, told him about things he needed to learn. My SO was very easy to offend. I accept her the way she is and everyone I meet. I always made sure to take care when I reacted to her. We had a couple very short breakups, I mean like hours or even minutes .

The last 4 months were the downfall. I still treated her very respectful although I suspected some cheating. I was correct and It completely destroyed me. This is month 3 of the breakup with begging and pleading from me of course and plenty of romance and worse all over email cause ive been blocked everywhere else.

We were trying to have a child and buy this amazing house and be together. 10 days before i was going to propose I busted her cheating. I dumped her flat out. no remorse, no crying. Well that was until 3 days later I called to reconcile and she was engaged to a new man living on the same street as me. I went bonkers. Called her names, Cussed her, said horrible things I never said to her before. I was very gentle with this lady and I hurt her deeply by calling her these names. she was so embarrassed about cheating she couldnt even look at me. she was balling and i just played it off. I wanted her back to be my Wife and the MOTHER OF MY CHILDREN.

I then got cut out of her life and NO CONTACT or silent treatment is in effect. She has all the BPD traits you would expect and She never told me why she went to therapy. I figured out by searching the meds she said she didnt need a year before this. I accept her the way she is. shes perfect. Her son is like my blood. Ive apologized a million times with no response. Shes said multiple times " We will never be together again". Thats supposed to be my wife. My gut wont let me turn away Ive had plenty of Loves and this one is the One. I love her no matter what she did to me. and Ill be okay without her. But I want her to marry me and have my children. I just let go of her 3 days ago. and by letting go I hope she sees that i love her more than anyone and comes back.

ive saved her many times from suicide. and also from her risky business. any advice on how to show this woman Im sorry in a way she could understand?  Also for newer Nons, Dont give up on someone you love. Sometimes they end up hurting us but life is to continue to walk away from the past and creating the future. Love for who they are and help them to understand us NONS. thank you.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Tattered Heart]

Hi LateBloomer43,

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through a rough break up. I can imagine how hurtful it must be to feel like you've been replaced in just a few days. Have you had contact with her since the breakup?

By saying that you have powers do you mean that you pick up on her moods easily? When in a relationship with someone with BPD us nons get very good at noticing when the winds are shifting and when we do notice, we often end up walking on egg shells to try to fix them before it gets bad.

You mentioned that you found out about BPD from her medications. What medications are those? I've never heard of meds for BPD before because it is more of a cognitive behavioral disorder as opposed to a chemical one. Of course there are meds that can help with angry outbursts, depression, and anxiety so I'm just curious.

If she doesn't come back, what will you do?

[Meili]

I would like to join Tattered Heart in welcoming you to the boards.



I would suggest that you learn all that you can about BPD. Read the posts of others and ask questions. There is a lot of good wisdom around here.

Something in your post confused me. Did she get engaged to the same guy that she cheated on you with or was this someone new?

You've seen that begging and groveling don't work. Those things make us look needy and clingy; both of which are unattractive. Do you remember what you were like before the relationship? That is the person that she found attractive. Are you still doing the things that you did then?

[Caramel Brulee]

Giving up is not an option. Never ever giveup.

[Meili]

Giving up is not an option. Never ever giveup.

Very true. As trite as it sounds, if you give up, you'll never achieve the goal.