I come up Empty

[Gemsforeyes]

Have you ever noticed that if you take the "ah" out of the word "empathy" you come up "empty"? 

It all makes sense now.  But the feeling associated with "ah" is so good, why would I/we be willing to trudge on without it?  Living on "empty".

If one thing is empty, is something else naturally full because of it?  Sometimes yes, sometimes No.  If my plate is empty, my belly may be full.   If my gas tank becomes empty it's because it supplied the means to travel around.  Empty the paint, fill the canvas.  There's a picture.

If my BPD BF's words are filled with promise, why do they evaporate into thin air?  Nothing gets filled when the words come tumbling out.  The mouth is emptied and nothing is filled.  Do I stop believing or stop listening?

When the words are cruel, I try to diffuse, but maybe I stop listening.  What he doesn't know is that with each verbal dagger he throws, he's no longer killing pieces of me, he's destroying the love I hold for him.  That is now where my strength lies.  I use the word "strength" loosely, because I'm unsure why I stay in this thing.  Maybe I leave for good when it's all gone.  Definitely when I don't laugh anymore.  You can't tell, but I AM so much better!  (I'm laughing at myself now.)

I have been on this forum since May 2017 with a break to look myself in the mirror and heal from some life happenings.  We all endure them... .  I have never had the courage or strength to make an original post, and instead have woven pieces of myself into responses.  I hope I haven't hijacked too much. 

A very wise woman with whom I once studied music wrote  "Considering what has been endured by some, any untortured day is paradise". - MDN

I thank you all for bringing me to this day.  Regardless of what he does, I will enjoy the holiday season and give joy to someone else.  That is my promise.

Warmly,
Gemsforeyes

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi Gemsforeyes,

I too didn't quite know how to introduce myself when I first came to the forums. I was not sure how I fit and was unsure how to express myself.

What are expecting for the holidays? What are your specific concerns may I ask? Perhaps if you share more about them it could help all of us as we face this time together?

It seems like you like to write poetry or in a style of writing where you ponder your feelings... .Does writing here or elsewhere help you process these issues? I notice for many, writing out what they experiencing seems to help. It is helpful to share ourselves with others in this way so as to feel less alone. Do you find this as well?

wishing you well, pearlsw.

[Radcliff]

Hello Gemsforeyes, congratulations on your first original post! 

So you've been around us for a while.  You've seen folks working on the various skills and coping mechanisms.  Where are you with all of that?  Has some of that helped?

WW

[Tattered Heart]

Thanks for sharing GemsforEyes,

It's a hard and difficult road to look at ourselves and see that we contributed to things. Thank you for being brave in doing that. What did you learn about yourself during that time?

Our pwBPD may say harsh and mean things to us. How can you protect yourself so that you are not feeling yourself grow colder to him? Instead of letting those words just hit you, how can you let him know that you don't like it or that they hurt you? I like to use SET  in these situations.

When my H starts to say mean things, I will simply say, "I can see that you are angry but I don't like it when you say things like that. I feel like you are trying to hurt me." And if he continues after I make that statement I'll say, "I don't want to be called names. I'm going to go for a walk (or drive) for about 30 minutes so things can calm down." And then I go. No questions about it. No arguments. I do this not to prevent him from calling me names or saying mean things but 1) I have a voice for myself 2) I enforce my boundary by removing myself from the behavior I don't want to encounter 3)  I'm not subjected to things that hurt me and can cause me to feel bad about myself.

How would he respond during that time?