Overwhelmed with custody dispute

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I'm not sure this is the place for this, but didn't see it as a better fit elsewhere.

I've been divorced since march, separated since last august. I don't have regrets about the divorce, and am happy to be free from the constant drama and fighting.

The last few months have been increasingly tough for me mentally. Having to care for both kids alone, starting a new relationship, refinancing the house to remove my ex, and now the holidays are all mounting. On top of that, my ex is taking me back to court to try and gain time with the kids.

I saw my doctor a few months back for what I though was possibly a heart problem (chest pain, dizziness) but turned out to be anxiety. She started me on a low dose of Wellbutrin, and I also began going to therapy again. Things got better for a while, but the last week has been very rough. I have been under constant stress this week (closing on the house, court, and the kids and I all being sick with strep). I have noticed my thoughts have only been on how to stop the anxiety in that moment, and haven't been on anything in the future. I am afraid I am beginning to get depressed. This worries me more, as it could hurt me in our upcoming court case. Also, I am dealing with a BPD ex, which is stressful enough on its own.

I am hoping that being done with the refinance, no court date in the near future, and the holidays ending will ease my mind some.

I am certain others here have gone through this. What did you do to get through?

[Skyhawk]

I'm not sure this is the place for this, but didn't see it as a better fit elsewhere.

I've been divorced since march, separated since last august. I don't have regrets about the divorce, and am happy to be free from the constant drama and fighting.

The last few months have been increasingly tough for me mentally. Having to care for both kids alone, starting a new relationship, refinancing the house to remove my ex, and now the holidays are all mounting. On top of that, my ex is taking me back to court to try and gain time with the kids.

I saw my doctor a few months back for what I though was possibly a heart problem (chest pain, dizziness) but turned out to be anxiety. She started me on a low dose of Wellbutrin, and I also began going to therapy again. Things got better for a while, but the last week has been very rough. I have been under constant stress this week (closing on the house, court, and the kids and I all being sick with strep). I have noticed my thoughts have only been on how to stop the anxiety in that moment, and haven't been on anything in the future. I am afraid I am beginning to get depressed. This worries me more, as it could hurt me in our upcoming court case. Also, I am dealing with a BPD ex, which is stressful enough on its own.

I am hoping that being done with the refinance, no court date in the near future, and the holidays ending will ease my mind some.

I am certain others here have gone through this. What did you do to get through?

[Harley Quinn]

Hi Skyhawk,

I can empathise with your situation as I also have a custody court case ongoing and it's very stressful in itself.  I remain in touch with my doctor for regular reviews of my medication for depression and anxiety.  There is no shame in having depression and or anxiety, especially it is a positive if you are active in managing that, so don't let worry overcome you about the custody stuff being affected.  I'd suggest that it might be worth contacting your doctor to discuss the increased stress in your life right now and it might be that a dosage increase or switch of medication would be beneficial.  I've recently increased due to additional triggers and it has helped a lot.  Sometimes the therapy also takes a little while to be effective, so stick at that and you'll know when you hit the hot topics and places to delve further.  My first few sessions with my counsellor I was unsure if we had a good fit until my last appointment when we hit the nail on the head.  Just try to take especially good care of yourself and be patient with yourself.  You're going through a lot.  

It's OK to be in the moment, in fact being present and mindful is a really effective way to remove stresses of worry about the future from yourself and just deal with the now.  Illness in the family knocks anyone out of sync so accept that things might not be as smooth as usual right now.  We can be very critical of ourselves as parents who strive to give our kids everything we think they need all of the time.  Sometimes it's OK to just deal with the day to day one step at a time and they understand that too, especially that they feel poorly themselves.  Try not to be hard on yourself.  You're doing a better job than you imagine.  I speak from experience... . When you look back on this time you'll realise that you did the best you could under the circumstances and nobody could expect more from you than that.  

Love and light x

[MeandThee29]

It's a tough road. I don't have the custody issue, but I frequently get overwhelmed. It's tough to take time for just yourself, but it does help. At times all I've had time for is just a hot bath with my favorite music playing, but it does drop things down a notch.

I agree with potentially going on medication. I haven't upped mine, but I may if I'm this way in January. I'm hoping that it's just the season.

[Panda39]

Walks... .I swear by them 

Good for stress, good for your mood and healthy for your body.  Try and get outside in the sun... .listen to your favorite music or not what ever you like.

My other escape is a fun movie... .2 hours of escapism, thinking about something else.

Hang in there... .just take one thing at a time. 

Panda39