Passing on the love

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

So I just had a very serial experience. I went to meet a broker to talk about work stuff, I had never met this man before, and I end up not talking about work at all... .in fact I spent 2 hours with a guy on the emotional edge. He cried and I was happy for him to let it out. I utterly empathised with him, his pain and his burdens. I used my own experience of depression and being in the hole to conceptualize, describe and ultimately show this man that I knew his pain and anxiety in a very real way.

His story was not BPD related I don't think although clearly related to some very deep rooted guilts and shame he has coming from his FOO. He was able to share these feelings with me and I was able to tell him in no uncertain terms that these things were not his fault. I used the work I had done on myself and learning around emotions surrounding BPD and emotional dysregulation to visualize what was happening with him. BPD is an exaggeration of natural reactions, emotional extremes can lead to narcissism and rage in all of us if allowed to go unchecked.

The skills we learn here are not just for our SO's or friends, they are valuable community skills that can deeply impact the lives of the people we interact with on a daily basis. Our abilities to touch people, show deep empathy regarding a whole swathe of disorders and life crisis's is epic. We are the mental version of CPR and can touch those individuals just enough to bring them back from the edge enough to seek help and explore new ways. This was a well dressed man with a successful career, wonderful family yet he harbored deep pain. I felt truly privileged to be able to help him and will continue to support him in the coming weeks and months.

It's good to pass on the love    

[Enabler]

So I just had a very serial experience. I went to meet a broker to talk about work stuff, I had never met this man before, and I end up not talking about work at all... .in fact I spent 2 hours with a guy on the emotional edge. He cried and I was happy for him to let it out. I utterly empathised with him, his pain and his burdens. I used my own experience of depression and being in the hole to conceptualize, describe and ultimately show this man that I knew his pain and anxiety in a very real way.

His story was not BPD related I don't think although clearly related to some very deep rooted guilts and shame he has coming from his FOO. He was able to share these feelings with me and I was able to tell him in no uncertain terms that these things were not his fault. I used the work I had done on myself and learning around emotions surrounding BPD and emotional dysregulation to visualize what was happening with him. BPD is an exaggeration of natural reactions, emotional extremes can lead to narcissism and rage in all of us if allowed to go unchecked.

The skills we learn here are not just for our SO's or friends, they are valuable community skills that can deeply impact the lives of the people we interact with on a daily basis. Our abilities to touch people, show deep empathy regarding a whole swathe of disorders and life crisis's is epic. We are the mental version of CPR and can touch those individuals just enough to bring them back from the edge enough to seek help and explore new ways. This was a well dressed man with a successful career, wonderful family yet he harbored deep pain. I felt truly privileged to be able to help him and will continue to support him in the coming weeks and months.

It's good to pass on the love    

[Seenowayout]

Wonderful

[gotbushels]

Hi Enabler  

The skills we learn here are not just for our SO's or friends, they are valuable community skills that can deeply impact the lives of the people we interact with on a daily basis.

Yes. I think this is a good point. I encourage you to experience greater intimacy with people.

I went to meet a broker to talk about work stuff, I had never met this man before, and I end up not talking about work at all... .in fact I spent 2 hours with a guy on the emotional edge.

... .

 I felt truly privileged to be able to help him and will continue to support him in the coming weeks and months.

This seems like quite a fast difference in relationships. What will he be doing for you?  

[Enabler]

hey gotbushels, could you clarify what you meant by the last comment please. I guess it could be interpreted in a number of ways.

[gotbushels]

Sure--nothing ominous; I meant what work will he be doing for you?

[Enabler]

Options broker, I am the client. His tears will not be swaying my business decisions and frankly he'd have to be a pretty sick man to try that angle. I believe the man has spent many months if not years maintaining a balance on a knife edge and I knocked him off his balance actually asking and listening to him, sensing he was actually in need of an empathetic ear.

[Skip]

It is a gift to listen to another human being with empathy.  He is fortunate that you were there.

[heartandwhole]

Hi Enabler,

What an uplifting post! Thank you for sharing the love—with him and with us. 

The skills we learn here are not just for our SO's or friends, they are valuable community skills that can deeply impact the lives of the people we interact with on a daily basis.

Right on, Enabler. This has been my experience as well. 

heartandwhole