light bulb momemt

[Deb]

I grew up with a dBPD sister. She was ALWAYS competing with me, even for my friends! I am NC with her now. But my husband's youngest brother irritates me no end. And I realized he is always in competition with my husband! Long story made short: My husband had a daughter who was adopted as an infant. It was against my husband's wishes, so he didn't find out until it was a done deal. Anyway, his daughter found him! We were overjoyed and when she came to visit, we took her to meet different relatives, including youngest BIL. That is when I realized BIL was competing with DH for the attention of DH's OWN daughter!    He was trying to get her to stay over at his house and demanding she come for breakfast at his house when she declined. It really made me angry because my DH has waited 46 years to meet his daughter.

After we left BIL's house we went out t eat dinner and my husband told his daughter to watch out for BIL because he isn't trustworthy. That is the first time I have ever seen him say anything about his brother. He even told me he thinks his brother has sociopathic tendencies. I don't know if BIL is a sociopath, but I do believe he is uNPD. His arrogance knows no bounds which is why he irritates me.

[Kwamina]

Hi Deb

That is when I realized BIL was competing with DH for the attention of DH's OWN daughter!    He was trying to get her to stay over at his house and demanding she come for breakfast at his house when she declined.

So this happened the very first time your BIL saw your husband's daughter? It does strike me as a bit odd that he would make these requests/demands.

After we left BIL's house we went out t eat dinner and my husband told his daughter to watch out for BIL because he isn't trustworthy. That is the first time I have ever seen him say anything about his brother. He even told me he thinks his brother has sociopathic tendencies. I don't know if BIL is a sociopath, but I do believe he is uNPD.

Did your husband also give examples of why he believes his brother is untrustworthy and even has sociopathic tendencies?

[Deb]

Yes, Kwamina, he did give examples. Like lack of empathy, and how he is manipulative, how he lies with ease and more. He had more but the last few days have been kinda bad for me. My DH ended up in the hospital, is still there in fact. And his brother came to visit and demanded the nurse tell him what is wrong with my DH! I wanted to yell at him that my DH may be his brother but that does not give BIL any say over DH's medical care. I didn't though. My husband has a living will. I am first on the list for who has POA if DH can't make decisions for himself. DH's best friend of 67 years is second. BIL has no say. DH is not where he needs us to make decisions. Frustrating.

Oh, now I remember some things. BIL acts like he knows more than anyone else about ANY subject and you better darn well agree he's right, even if he's wrong. And he will try and get people to work for him and promise them big pay until pay up time comes. And he's not even embarrassed by not paying up. In fact he becomes angry and starts name calling and making threats. And then trash talks abut the person as if they had wronged him.

[Kwamina]

Hi again Deb and Happy New Year  9

I am sorry to hear that about your husband though. That definitely isn't pleasant at all. Does he have a positive prognosis? I hope he will recover

BIL does sound like a rather difficult and indeed untrustworthy person from these few examples you've shared. Do you know if he always behaved like this, has your husband ever talked about what his brother was like when they were younger?

[Deb]

Well, the good news is DH is out of the hospital. He is doing much better and will recover. As for BIL, he has always behaved this way. He has just gotten worse since he has gotten older and had his health decline. Today, I was thinking of something BIL said to me on Christmas. It really doesn't matter what it was, it was just unsolicited advice. Then he expected me to just do what he said. I did nt respond because if I did he would start calling me a whiner etc. Her expects his opinions to be followed by whoever received them. Not happening. He has brought up the same things before. This time I just ignored him. Although, the next time (because there will be a next time), I think I will say something like "Yes, you have shared this opinion before and it's not your decision. Now I consider it to be a closed subject." And after that, I will change the subject if it comes up again. BTW, I am VLC with him. As is my DH. It works better that way,